I am at a presipus….i realize this location becasue I am in unease..I am not used to being pulled away and allowing it to happen…I tend to buckle and release my career and crawl to the side of my children but this month I am going to hold my ground…resist the urge to throw up my arms and rather embrace the feeling of being separated…embrace the feeling of succeeding in my career and my art and not let the guilt or sadness that I am not watching them smile at me hold me back..
THis world- AMERICA – which we live in is ANGRY and I want to try and see what would happen if as one artist..ME…enter in a concept of maternal….unconditional love….because that is easy enough if we/i stop getting angry at mothers who mother…if I just move along and become the Mother Terressa vibe when I can…or not…perhaps I will just ACT and create love in my eyes and that will be enough….
Today I head to Rehearsal and I will play both an angry ex wife and a Nurse…I will play them honestly and indepth and I will love my role with all my heart regardless of their possition in the story..
I will then drive to the Biltmore again and have a call back for a Lottery commercial about someone finding something on the Beach- which I have- an APPLE Watch for real- and then back to the Hilton for another run through of the show –
I am working..I am possibly getting sick…maybe another urinary track infection…which is said to be cause my being Pissed…I was I was mad at TIM for that call back to pain but then he was able to explain his actions and then I released it last night…in a prayer in the night and I feel better
I told Steve how the three holidays I am missing are making me sad but he helped me remember this is what I want and it is ok and ‘that the kid and I are ok…”
Like yesterday Mason and I went to South Beach for a few hours and it was nice and we ate at UPLAND and he told me he had been upset with me bc I took away his phone and that’s been why he hasn’t been himself towards…me…it made me sad, to be the bad MOM but it also made me understand that those actions…willing to not be liked by my son are ok..
We are fine now…
I am gathering monologues from people about me and understanding people’s perspective of things…it is interesting to hear the thoughts of others about me…not surprising but interesting..
I am excited to see what I make of all this and how my one woman show turns out…
My story told through the eyes of myself and reflected through others/