Tag: mental


INtegration of character

I found this word today by asking my husband what he felt the opposite of segregation was. 

I had been segregated my life these past years to dissect them. It had began with the death of my father the several years of therapy and the hitting of a brick wall with my ability to see Myself. It them moved into performances based on self awareness, kindness, the female journey and relationships. The final aspect was work. That was not so much a performance process but one that stemmed from being in quarantine these past few months.

I have found my work. My creative self and my family did not conflict but rather coincided. The space of my house became the backdrop to my work, my creative expression , my impression and all without having to leave the heart strings I so desperately love, my family.

I have always thought acting and family were oxymorons. I had been taught from a young age and although I peeled away the belief through action I had not uprooted the original programing – till now. To be home creating, not needed to venture out, not having to run from the disturbances of my home as they clash with my creative SUSIE- 

The idea of letting a SPACE i had always and desperately wanted to go, to send a text perhaps to say thank you and that it served its purpose…I am integrated.

I am integrated. I have kindly placed all my pieces back together and I have been able to flow and function at such high speeds. No breaks in emotion or energy having to exit and reenter my realisties. I am in one reality and have from here branched into others I have sold myself on. I am in one place and the creative juices flow around me. I am grounded and open minded and secure.

I was watching a show on Netflix as they discussed that a marijuana overdose reveals your holes and insecurities. I remember being concerned that no one could see me and that Steve would sometimes not be next to me even though he was driving the car. My fear was not being seen or heard and perhaps because I knew I wasn’t anywhere too long and thus I was nowhere..in my movement and in my work..I hadn’t tethered them in because it is not the pole it is myself – i have become the pole…centered, clear, understood more and more as I step forward with my work.

Integration. A woman’s work, apron strings and creative juices and the concostions I shall make.

And I I make breakfast, here the sizzle of the bacon the laughter of the boys the grains of sand beneath my feet from the outdoor project I am working on with the family as a 46th Birthday project for me……I am typing

my thoughts in real time on this keyboard on my kitchen counter which will serve as my backdrop for my upcoming interview show I am hosting as my favorite Character Mrs. Keith Wade from Miami Motel Stories…it is called unplugged

Which is what we all needed to do inorder to reset and integrate…


Mental Illness and other ramblings…

Do not get me started. I am just now seeing that someone on this blog posted I might have it…HA…most people have it…if we are honest..we all have some bit of .anxiety and stress and all the issues we are all dealing with… build up mental health issues…even being on your device…too long…we all got issues..

Funny how when you put yourself out there what you get back…what you recieve and in that recieving… what strikes you down and what strikes a chord.
The chord is that in today’s day and age …accusing someone of a Mental Illness is an insult…like a cut down…when in reality it is the countries largest issue…look at our president…and what I mean is look what this entire country as a whole decided to elect. Regardless of who you voted for…somewhere on some level we allowed this to become a possibility…perhaps by watching his show or just talking about how silly he is we gave him our country and if that doesn’t tell you that we are a SICK country at the moment then I don’t know what does.
I have no cure but I have an understanding that I am not more healed than you and you are no more sick then me and we are no more enlightened than what we read and watch and say…
I ramble in these posts…because my mind allows me to flow…..I write as I think and I don’t mind if you get it or not..that is not the point – the point is that I dared to say SOMETHING and if we all start to speak the anger will diminish and love will begin to pour out of us…or not…but it is a choice…dream on and allow yourself not to be perfect…I do ..often..


insults are funny

From where I am now I am starting to find what people say about me- good or bad- very funny–funny like butterfly kisses….

Since I am not motivated by insults or compliments i.e. the PLEASER ROLE anymore…I can’t move based on OTHER people’s point of view.
This makes things VERY different….ALSO since money was never a factor I can’t be motivated by that either..
I am motivated by HEALING and that allows me to both be healed and to heal…it is the best currency thus far.But what exactly am I healing?
At the moment it is the soul…I am healing her….the rest of the externals have to wait again.

So what motivates me is to affect someones soul so that they can do the same to another and another…that is where I am at. the ripple affect…one to one…to a million

I hold no desire for a position or force but POWER in the sense of having the ability to shift a soul from anger to joy and lock them in that for a few moments…show them how to move from that…well then…YES..that is amazing

SO when Shark Tain aired again for the Millionth time and a few people posted pretty nasty things on one of my blog posts… I laughed…it made me laugh and yes I wanted to respond or even keep them up on the site but I can’t…there is already too much pain in the world and even though I wasn’t affected.. to allow it to seep OUT into the energy is also not good. SO I erased them ( I played them in that delete) and thought to myself…funny how they were on my blog …needing to be heard…having to tell me something…regardless….of good or bad…being able to affect someone to the point of posting a comment…is something…now to have them take an action on their own life…and post a comment on their own situation… that is what I am doing here…. waxing about my life my process my desire NOT to hold anger or be mad– not to be aggressive in anyway…not to add to the pain in this world and yet still create change…and part of that is all about leveling up…above this kind of BLA BLA BLA and above products and above physical beings and just trust that a beautiful life yields a beautiful soul…and visa versa…
Trusting your kindness –you pace your pitter patter….It takes time and you need a partner that can keep you in line because it is a slippery slope..this world we are blessed with… keep your eyes clear, your heart warms and your words….keep then gentle and so you become gentle yourself. Oh…and yoga…gentle yoga….that helps form follow function.