At a time in the United States and the world, I have found it important to speak from my heart and be a light in the quest to alleviate the lack of information about being a Jewish woman.

Finding your artistic voice is an unspoken journey for every creative who chooses their way over the highway—the tiny tip of a number two pencil is the goal. What exactly are you saying? How exactly are you saying it? And, as importantly, who are you saying it to?

I am a fifty-year-old actress living in a pocket of Miami that attracts travelers who need a nondescript place to relax. There isn’t any group of people in my neighborhood; it is filled with people who enjoy a simple vibe, lots of trees, and quiet walks at 4 a.m., guarded by the local cops, who take pride in keeping the area very safe.

On the beach during my morning dances with the universe, I felt a rush of emotion and a vision. I saw myself wearing a white silk robe with a sun on it, which reminded me of the Egg costume I wear in my solo show, JEWBANA.

I am making rugelach and answering phone messages with a voice recording.

I think, is this the second act? Am I doing Jewbana and taking it to the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh again with all my amazing reviews, videos, and marketing material? I was in it; I was in the surf of the emotion of the vision I was seeing. I felt the silk fabric, I felt the rugelach on the table being spread out. I heard the sound of people calling and asking me for my opinion on their situation, and I saw myself on a stage, rolling the dough, answering the questions, wearing the silk garb and feeling all of it.

I reached out to my contact from my previous time in Edinburgh, and he offered his wise and unsettling wisdom.

“You can’t take Jewbana to Edinburgh. It isn’t going to work. The anti-Semitism is too high there.” In those words, in a Facebook message, I heard the cold steel clanging of a metal garage door creak, slide, and shut.

DONE.

I was free in a way to turn my head and see that as I traveled around Miami and attended events to reacquaint myself with the community after a few months in the Northeast, I started to learn that Miami is where one million Jewish people are. One million people. And that it is among the safest places in the world to be a Jew, and that the Mayor of Miami claimed it is because the Cuban Catholics demanded it be safe for the Jews.

My show, Jewbana, which is about a Jewish woman and her Cuban Catholic family, was met with the sound of silverware on crystal. I heard it….

I have been slowly allowing the sound to chime through my body. I auditioned for the show at the JCC after my Jewish mystic Reiki chiropractor told me she thought I should be in their shows. I was aghast, and yet I turned on my toes and auditioned for the role I wanted at the callback, then rescinded my audition for a larger, more popular theater. I sat in this newfound awareness.

I found what I want to say, how I want to say it, and who I want to say it to.

I want to share my show, Jewbana, with its people. I want to celebrate the relationship between the Cubans and the Jews in this beautiful and vibrant city of Miami.

I will.
I shall.
So it is.

A play has always been a sad goodbye…but last night for the first time I was more happy than sad. I knew what I needed to do to maintain this feeling of connection and I was in a place to do it. I was preaching empty words…I was truly acknowledging that the reason I feel disconnected from the actors community is that I left it…as soon as the play was over as though…if I am not in a play I shouldn’t need to be around actors that much but what I have learned is that
Miami has a beautiful theater community built by the schools that are here and the feeling is super kind and loving among the actors for the most part..
It is a comrodery that is you treat it with good will it gives back to you with a truest sense of belonging but I think I felt I was…not truly among them… faker..not talented enough not consistent enough and not participatory enough…but now I see I can be more of those and I am a value and I desire to be part of this Miami World.
I have tried but I think I found a sweet spot and the right angle…just be me and do something small and take along a few kind hearted lovers and see what happens…Getting mad because I didn’t get a grant or a part is so old susie…I can just keep moving forward and doing the work and take what I get when it comes and create when I feel inspired…

Last night an old actor walked into my room while I was doing my last piece and his face was sad…no idea why just sad and it affected my piece and it was fascinating because the type of theater I am doing is truly affected by the people in the room and it is not that we are building and presenting we are offering and collaborating…

Immersive theater is amazing

s

This vacation I had a vision of myself dancing in the grass. Doing many things I at this moment have never done. I. Was inspired to create a combination of movement and practice it over my travels these past two weeks.

It was a cartwheel on the right then on the left a body roll then roll down into a crow then head stand hold then into back bend and GET UP.

I have not yet gotten up but through videoing myself and watching it back I was able to adjust my movement from the external eye and and I completed all the others..

I am able to get up from a mid height…like a ottoman or bed but not the floor exactly…

But this inspired me and kept my mind fluid….and gave it something to PLAY with.

I am thinking this is what the new movement work I will be studying will continue to do.

Monotony is the death of me! SKT

S

I received the email for the rehearsal of a film that a freind asked me to do. I began to become both excited and then angry. This part of me that doesn’t want to pretend anymore started screaming and I began to act out. I got annoyed with Steve with my mom with the whole world instantly and even ruined a nice dinner by being sad. It wasn’t until I was coming home from he day in the city with my mom that I then got an email that my freind was baking out of the film.

I immediately began to consider ding the same and as soon as I sent the email saying thank you but no thank you a rush of NOT HAVING TO a relief washed over me.

I don’t think I am able to really understand how much I do not want to do something until the idea of NOT doing it comes into play. It was the same with Steve and I. I mentioned this before.

THis part of recasting is a series of instant helloboodbyes. They are about about trying and eyeing how things fit and then not making too much of a commitment and then letting go at the first opportunity. It I then feel like retuning to it…well then…it is from a place of peace and not HAVE TO but rather “Would like to” and not SHould cause I can but may because it woudl be NICE.

Moving from a place of peace is amazing and the toxity of doing something I don’t want to do feel like plugging my finger in a socket and yet…I am seeing I tend to stay there a minute or two just to see if I COULD and WOULD becasue I haven’t fully transitioned into OIGN this book which in a sense is ALL about me and not anyone else…which is the practice I am trying to do. Understanding my OWN self…more.