I left playing tennis in my high school years and have only played here and there – a lesson or two- since..I was ok- but I could never beat my mother due to her her daily tennis ritual which at times of my youth appeared to over throw my childhood needs- planted a seed.
I couldn’t really LOVE tennis becasue my mom loved it more- sometimes it seemed more than she loved me.- FUnny how these truths we misplanted can grow tiny roots in our story.
The sliver roots showed themselves this summer…when my husband missed two phone calls from the boys while they were away at camp and he happened to be playing golf at the time>
As I explained to my son why his dad missed the calles my son seemed unfazed but a small volcano began to erupt within me.
A feeling of being left on the dock of a terrible all girls camp while my mom waved and my father filmed and laughed flickered through my mind. A feeling I can align with being depreserted- laughed at for my drama – – her magnitizing to things more in her control like tennis – something she was great at…and seen in…is understandable.
( As a mother myself having been with out my boys for about 4 weeks I can understand that being a MOTHER of young children isn’t always my hearts desire. I love them and we have a great relationship but the ROLE of mother can get old at times and from my perspective I can see why tennis may have won out every once in a while. )
So-
I awake yesterday in the Berkshires at her home….with a realization that my mom still all these years later laughs at me and whatever thing I am doing that she seems excessive…i was bothered by it and realizing it was my issue I kayaked it out of me and logically maneuvered my feelings back in check…Stop trying to be something you aren’t…and people will stop laughing… THis means…to me…just go with the flow…not against the current…not excessive effort and see where the wind takes you- remember to FLOW!
FLow state takes me usually to amazing places I could neve have never thought of… versions of relationships I amd my ego couldn’t find.
so when I was standing across her at her kitchen counter this morning and she mentioned she was heading to play tennis- she also happened to randomly ask If I wanted to play with her.
I accepted and took up the opportunity- perhaps- to reset my story through stokes and serves and volley’s-
I arrived on the court after she had already began to play doubles with her crew..and eventually I took ove as my mothers double partner. ( I had imagined we’d be playing against each other and had already began to statigize a way to beat her)
I think this may have been the first time I played WITH her. I felt calm and relaxed and my mother ( a star tennis playing my anyone’s measure..) began to coach me.
“Watch the alley, they are both lefties”
“Don’t cross the court when you end up center, return to your side”
“Watch the ball…keep your head down..”
And then
“NICE SHOT SUSIE!!!!!”
I wasn’t the insecure girl I had been all the years before. My tongue wasn’t hanging out in order to concentrate. I was relaxed. I placed the ball I took her constant direction and we ended up winning the match 6 -2- I even won on my serve one which was huge!
So tennis began to look different to me. It looked like something I could connect to my mom with and not resent. It could be something I could approach with a master perspective of appreciation and not jealousy.
Plus- I like the clothes,
I love the game. As my mom says, you only need one other person to play is!
So rekindling leads to rewriting -with my mother by my side – I free myself from the residue of resentment of those who chose games over my drama…I get it now…Drama
Match- Set – Game.
What do you and your mother have that you can try and rekindle and thus rewrite..?