Author: Susie Taylor

Acting Ever changing beliefs HEALTH Marriage

GO BACK to one in order to check yourself….

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After the show at the JCC community theater, I was so thrilled and in LOVE with the process of creating art. I saw in others how they so desperately wanted to be good at what they were doing and how much they cared about telling a story. I fell in love with my ART FORM all over again, but this time…from pure JOY…PURE bliss.

I love acting, the art form of it…I loved watching people become actors and I loved seeing how important it was for me NOT to worry about other people but to focus on my own little job.

A few things came from this experience.

1) I was able to be around Jewish people.
2) I was able to be aware of other people without feeling it was my duty to heal them.
3) Ending ANY PLAY causes me to downward spiral.
4) Professional actors must return to the community theater as part healing and part nurturing the art form.
5) I still love my acting and have the utmost respect for the professional elements of it and why they are in place.
6) I never felt ANY OF IT was beneath me

I feel I fear things mostly because of what that experience will reveal about my current truths.

I am here- blogging after the show. Trying to pack for a winter experience in NYC, seeing GREAT THEATER with my family. I am trying to stop the endless loop of dopamine drops while my poor husband dodges or rather, attempts to dodge, my fireballs of blame for feeling so DOWN. MY EGO HAS THE NEED TO GRASP FOR BREATH ONE LAST TIME BEFORE THIS VERSION OF HER DIES.
A dramatic exit as always.

I take a shower I pop a medical hybrid gummy- I try again to get into my blog so I can bitch to myself about what my mother just called and told me I write so well about….. “growing Pains”

Evolving hurts…on the way in and on the way out…and you’d think I would be better at handling the feeling I always get…
But what I do now is…

!)I go at it harder so I let go of it quicker
2) I DO NOT bite my tongue Rather I let her flare up and shred anyone or anything that dares to step infront of me.

I dismantle my hive dive.

shaking convulsing if need be
GET THE FUCK out of the way I need to ……
SPALSH INTO IT

and I am BACK

FLOWstate

S

Acting

Me??/ Perform at the JCC?

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I never realized how gross that sounded till just a few weeks ago. I was asked if I was in the next show at the Jewish Community Center and I cringed. Me??? MOI! stand down and kiss my feet. I am THEE I am MEEE SUSIE K TAYLOR. and in that thought a screeching sound broke my EGO as my Maiden name KREITMAN fell to the floor letter by letter.

I am closing a show about a brooklyn Jewish Family in the late 70s and at the JCC in AVENTURA and i FEEL so happy.

Being in a Jewish community AT LAST. I kept saying how lonely I have felt and nothing would fill that slice of parched spirit UNTIL i returned to my Jewish ROOTS.

I grew up at the JCC in South Miami. I went to a youth group there and met my first Boy Friend who I would have some very meaningful first times with. I would also join the B’nai Brith youth group and meet my best friends to this day. I would work out there all the time after hard long rehearsal days in High School and For some-reason I just LOST that connection and eventually like most things people let go of and yearn to return to, I decided I had no feeling toward it. I bar mitvahed my boys and I was done…

Actually i was in need of finding my jewish self again. I felt lost and cold since the 10/7 act that brought me and my connection to myself and others in my Jewish community to the front Burner.

I am writting this as I listen to the live streamed Shabbat services from Central Synagouge on the tail of finding that my eldest has an internship in NYC this summer and my younger son is getting into colleges and even getting scholarships.

I am surly heading to NYC next year maybe as early as this summer and I look forward to saying from the JCC to NYC in one singel bounce.

love SUZELLA

Kitchen

I hate HATING so I Double Down in LOVE!

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As a secular Jewish woman married to a Catholic man, I’ve raised my two sons as Jews, complete with Bar Mitzvahs and all the traditions. I’ve always felt connected to my Jewish identity, but I’m not the type to stay in Israel during a conflict. I’m the kind of Jewish person who will hug you tight, scream on your behalf, and make sure my kids know the Torah—but fighting? That’s just not me!

I adore Israel—not for any political reasons, but because when I first stepped off the plane, it felt like the earth welcomed me home. My feet sank into the ground, and I felt an overwhelming connection to the land that has always held a special place in my heart.

This past year has been a rollercoaster of emotions—dealing with rising self-hatred and confronting anti-Semitism has been tough. It bubbled up inside me, filling me with anger, fear, and sadness. Looking around, I realized I was mostly surrounded by non-Jews, which made my experience feel a bit isolating. Without a temple or a rabbi guiding me, I was at home, watching others cope with the conflict in their own ways. Meanwhile, my family carried on with their lives.

I began to focus my prayers on a small boy named Elon, who was one of the first to be released. It gave me a sense of purpose. Then, I found myself deeply connecting with the spirit of Sinwar, crying for hours as I walked through my neighborhood, feeling his anger and pain.

Soon enough, I discovered that some people I knew—people I worked with—were posting things that felt against me. I became confused, cold, and scared, feeling injustice from those I thought were allies. I realized there was a deep-seated need within me to feel protected.

It was such a profound need that I struggled to untangle myself from it. Safe at home, I silently screamed, “Protect me… from everything!”

Then, I stumbled upon a book mentioned by NPR that spoke to me just from its title. I ordered Bad Jews, and it unraveled my fears, challenging me to confront them head-on.

I felt freer! I wasn’t a victim; I learned that I’m a Jew who has found ways to survive, part of a lineage that chose safety and security over aggression.

My family was in the U.S. during the Holocaust, among those who left earlier, drawn by the call of America—a place where we could believe and live freely.

Anti-Semitism has certainly shown its face, and I’ve navigated a year filled with turmoil, moving from shock to fear to anger to acceptance. It’s been a classic mourning process.

But what was I really mourning?

I’ve come to realize that I was mourning the death of my own self-hatred. It was buried deep within me, rooted in my faith. The pain of being hated, along with centuries of feeling attacked, wasn’t just mine; it was woven into the memories of my people.

As much freedom as I enjoy, I can never be truly free if the core of my memories is based on pain, fear, or hatred. I’ve learned from my experiences as an actor that these emotions can create a wounded warrior at best.

For the past 15 years, I’ve been working to let go of anger and hate. I once asked my aunt why, after all this self-work, I still felt anger. She told me it’s just like my grandmother’s feelings, and I accepted that some things in our memory bank take a lifetime to resolve. But after October 7th, I was given a real chance to release that lineage.

It took me a year, and now I’m realizing that I’ve been hesitant to take action. Much of my character was built on the need to act. But now, I choose love. Love in all its forms! I no longer let anger anchor me down. I feel revealed and stripped bare, embracing the idea of love, which doesn’t demand action unless you want to share it.

Kitchen

I Am- Again- So I Push Pause

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Pause…

But first I want to recap my last year in the life of a performance artist. It began with me flying out my co-creator of Jewbana to the Berkshires. We spent a week re-writing the play we wrote in 2019 and what I took to Edinburgh and then to Miami Design District and then to South Beach’s Soho house.

We spent a time resting it and then we were hosted in NYC by my Bestie Daria and we read the script…had people read it. Then I was part of the United Solo Festival in Late September and we were able to celebrate with my entire family attending and my sister and mom join us…even though there were unresolved family matters I felt nothing to do with. We ate a large dinner with everyone at Josephina’s –

I then remounted the play with the help of Dawn again and Steve rewrote his scene and I performed it again in NYC and this time we filmed it and we sold out nearly and two wonderful theater producers and a NYC theater attended and we had a fancy gathering upstairs with drinks and some bites and my hair was now purple and I was so thrilled with the piece and especially how Jaeden’s piece came out…the original music by my friend NIKA and MOOG were amazing aditions.

Each time I presented the show it morphed. I returned to Miami and attended the very next day the Miami Web Fest where my assistant I hired was able to create a short of the OG Jewbana and I won my first on screen award… Audience Choice..

I got home and decided to do Jewbana one more time in Miami – and I produced the show myself and hired people and the show was amazing but in the end- I realized how much I DO NOT want to be a producer of my or anyone else’s work ever again. The electricity went half out, and the sound cues were all messed up. Prob due to special party gifts.

I went to Italy with the family over xmas and it was a dream come true…I am still amazed we went.

THEN

I spent Jan and Feb getting my branding up and clean. In March I started working with a Miami Dance company and taught them my SURF process…which totally helped them and then we used the same process to created a piece called The Thinker’s Thoughts and presented it at the Miami Beach Botanical Gardens and then I started working on the writing for Bunny Yeager and in April I went to NYC and spent four days developing the piece and performed it in the city to a VIP audience – filmed it – (holding it)- and I was recorded in my first ever DRAG piece and artist Bio video in NYC at THE CELL THEATRE.

I came back to Miami and in June we will be remounting THE THINKER’S THOUGHTS at the Locust Projects Gallery.

SO yeah

PAUSE

PAUSE

PAUSE

PAUSE

I plan to stay home ALL summer…
but for business $$$

I am PAUSING…

BEING HERE
ReCHARGING
and mostly ….
hangin with TIPPS

Kitchen

Bury your past-

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How EGG-axtly does one bury their past. So many ways to be buried these days. In a coffin, In a mosleum, in a tarp in a forest, in ashes made in to jewlery to hang around the neck of your beloved… how does someone truly bury the past- especially if the vessle that held the past has not indeed past on yet. The vessle is still here but the person the role the character that has passed…well…where do we bury THEM?

I have found that to bury a post story you must act fully on several levels. The molecular and the metaphysical and everywhere in-between. I came to this blog to bury myself…place a tombstone on my website and shut it down. Remove it from the ethernet…the ether…the words of how I became ME- SUSIE – And then the SUSIE who is sitting here.

A scoldfoldng that was built on my inside like I learned the great DUOMO of Florense was suspected to…from the inside out and then..the architect burned the playbook and pnly sketches of a young child maybe are left…a young child named …devinchi or michelangelo..

SO i pronounce me the scafolding I built to maintain my marriage and my security in this upcoming to be movie about a middle aged women trying to accept her age and rewritting her original sotry to have the lead NOT a 20 somehting but f=rahter a fast becoming 50 something…

A women who spent time developing an art form in her home town that crosses reality theater and influencers of social media…a woman whoes inner theigsh are so fierce they can clasp the two universes beten themmbecasue of the structure…the ruless the beams that protect the house from hurricanes that casue her tall male fmaily members to DUCK and yet…they say…tight in the bees home…warm in her honey…

Why opposites attract for real…

Kitchen

Why opposites attract for real…

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They neutralize each other in hopes of killing their own egos –

We can’t fully see ourselves from within. We need to be pulled out and in that pulling..that cracking out…we gain a wisdom of an entirely new opposite mode of living.

THe crack makes us realize there are options in how to behave in situations and who we can become all based on the simple choice of how we ACT-

Our programing was downloaded by our lineage and our environment and our TIME. But as they all change..so can we.

We can just delete a program and upload a new one.
Both take time
both require care
but

it is possible
and joy filled

seeing the world anew

YES
you won’t be YOU…
YES
you will be YOU 2.0
and guess what…
everyone will say.
YES!

WOW… you changed and you

The new you won’t know what they are talking about

unless you made a video diary to remind yourself.

bc the new version exists on the SOLE given that the old solution is obsolete and therefor.
Null and Void.

Any attention to that version mean you are NOT truly your NEW self fully and there are indeed BUGS to work out.

no one’s EGO wants to truly change
bc they know that their EGO self will have to be put to sleep forever- or so they fear,
and a new EGO self shell will emerge.. and grow until SHE too will need to be sentenced.
BUt the ego is constant…she is here to inspire and protect and create…
she thrives on freshness and is most usefull with newness

so how do we know…

WHEN is it TIME

WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN… is prob a day late and a dollar short but still

you get what I mean.

xox
SUSIE

Kitchen

Un hook kindly

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grace is the skill you train your life to have.
to touch a hook on a floundering fish and without causing more pain
softly disengage your venom.
the fish flounders as you pull the hook and then…it flounders once more just for old time sake
and then it lay resting…tired and free –

unaware you ever had the hook in them

but you are graceful
you know
a floundering fish in your vicinity
is more times than not
hooked to you for some karmic reason and the game.
the 50 year game
is to find the hook that stops the floundering.
and free them
and yourself
in order to reintroduce yourselves anew

Kitchen

Women will take flowers to capital hill and then he will walk away

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I had a vision that women would walk up the yawn and offer flowers at the feet of TRUMP. I then a few years later I heard that vision in the conversation between a woman and a woman. Speaking of a moment in time as clear as crystal. Flowers of facts laid at his feet as our country leads the world in DUE PROCESSING.
Goodbye and thank you
Love JEWBANA

Acting

Thank you Will and Chris

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Dear Will Smith and Chris Rock.

Thank you! My name is Susie and I teach a movement class to help actors get out of character. It is something I felt was missing in my industry and felt that it should be added into the training and the professional jobs that actors do.

The other night, during the oscars, you exposed what I have all too well have been seeing. The pain that comes with this job and the mental health issues that need to be addressed.

I know that through that one MOVEMENT the entire world was privy to the pain you both are feeling in your careers. A career that has allowed you to achieve success but also to pay dearly for it.

Working with imagination and humor may be the two most powerful tools in MANIPULATION.

When we activate someone to laugh we then have the ability to shift their beliefs. When we convince people we are not who we are in order to share a story, we also activate the portal of influence in them as well.

Since no one needs to or really is allowed to pretend to be anyone anymore…then lets RESET the INDUSTRY!!!

If we start with love and healing as we embark on our work, then the manipulation is for good and for the audience to feel who THEY are….not who YOU want them to be.

I have done this walk…It is slower and less DRAMA but it is where the industry is going to go because what you shared was the end of an ERA….

Thank you for being the sacrificial Lambs

BAAAAA,

LOVE SUSIE

Kitchen

SURF- The Movement

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SURF is a process that allows people to remember who they REALLY are. It is movement and music based with an improv and therapy conversation. It is a practice both learning how to remember and also how to forget.

It is the missing key. In the fitness world as it brings the EMPATHY muscle into play. In the training of the artist as it bring the individual front and center, a in the theater world as a de·noue·ment… resetting of the actors each night.

SURF is a fun approach to healing and it is simple and kind and it works….

An improvisational dance game that builds the Artist and healers emotional wealth.