Tag: acting

Acting

How I got out of character

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Getting out of character.

I am an actor and part of how I work is taking on other people’s thoughts, movements and beliefs. It is a fascinating dive into the empathy realm and the playing with the line of reality. What is reality. What is YOUR reality and what is their’s and sometimes that line bleeds…if you are lucky, if I am lucky I am so believing in my role that even I don’t know where Susie starts and this new role ends.

It is the ultimate necessity to be an actor. To have the fearlessness to release yourself and that is what it is all about. Being able to walk up those never ending stairs- movement by movement -or belief by belief or word by word or action by action into another dimension.

This is the scariest thing mostly because you k now somewhere in this journey you are sacrificing parts of your own self and like a diver..how long can you be under water without suffering from vertigo or whatever it is called where you can’t remember which way is up?

Acting…FOR ME….is like that…I get lost…usurped by the role and disappear…I keep a shell of myself and my world and my family and kids and husband represent that but more than that and the entry is harder…so I shed a lot…I let go of comipments and relationships and I disappear…

Maybe not to the naked eye but to any would seeker or evenly worker they’ll see..I am slipping…

One day after I had returned to acting after raising my young children into semi functioning children I was heading home and I remember as I opened the front door….Oh, Yeah…my kids.

It struck me as funny but the idea that I can release my motherhood role was fascinating.. and to do it to such a point that I had to actively remember it…well.it was all a bit MENTAL to say the least.

Then one day after playing a very lovely part who loved to cook but not into sex so much…my husband asked..When in Susie coming home?

IT made me stop chopping my scallions and look up. “Excuse me” I said or she said…who knows…

Steve repeated the question and it slowly sank in….HE KNOWS…he knows I am not quite myself …even in my own kitchen…

I smiled and said…”don’t you like her…she loves to cook…”

She is fine but I miss Susie he said and in that moment the veil of delete that I am perhaps many actors live with was revealed…I was missing…

Give your heart to someone…even another version of your self and it can be tricky to find the door to unbolt and retrieve yourself..

Unless you build a very clear path back to it…to her…. And that is what I have been working on.

Finding first who SUSIE is and then venturing off and trying to return sans too much collateral damage.

What I am about to share with you look me years to articulate but recently I was speaking at the Miami Beach chamber of commerce to their health and wellness committee and they received it…they didn’t;t run to take my class because the idea is still touchy but they got it and I felt in that room…they felt the idea flicker in their mind…

What if THEY TOO were still in character and if they were…what role was it and what would they be without it…

I

Kitchen

Hello….Miami Motel Stories

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THe other night a group of about 30 plus THEATER PEOPLE gathered at a delapitated soon to be remodeled MOTEL on Biscayne Blvd in Miami FLorida.

We were meeting and greeting about a new production that Juggernut is doing and I was in awe of it all.

IT is a huge production with original concepts and scripts and an array of actors that just blew my mind..

I was not excited nor bored I was peaceful I was HOME and in that I realized that sometimes you have to leave everything you know at the door and enter through the kitchen and smell the seasonings to ever really truly love love love your life.

I was one of the oldest people in the room but I was beyond thankful…One actor I had known since I first moved back to mIami in 1999/2000- He told me that if I was going to marry Steve I would end up leaving acting…
He was right…I did…I left I raised kids and I built a marriage and now I am here….sitting near this fortune teller knowing I CHOSE my path and although I have a few more lines on my face and a few more cracks in the heart I am more alive than I have ever been and my acting…well…I am bringing a hole new journey and I think it is going to be amazing..

S

Acting

Hello …Creative Shelter co.

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I have wanted a company- this idea of a company since I was standing in a white wooden acting studio ( ah there it is- my image of peace) being asked by one of my teachers where i see myself at 40. I opened my mouth and said I am going to have a company but not a normal acting company.

I had no idea what this meant or who it was within me that said it. I literally shrugged my shoulders in acceptances and looked around the room as everyone nodded. Ok..and it is written..Funny how these truths escape if we just OPEN our mouth.

A company? It was 1995- there was NO cell phone and NO Social Media…there WAS however AOL and a Chat room and emails and I was recently using those to stay connected to Steve while I studied in London.

Webber DOuglass was a house made into a school and I suppose that’s what i am seeking…here in Miami…and why the warmth of a home is always missing when I search for a SPACE…

By I digrace.

I was recently texted by one of my students turned past student turned friend turned ….practice partner turned as i sat across from her yesterday….

My first company member?

She doesn’t know this officially yet and I assume the other girl next to her will be as well- she is just 6 months out of my clasS- A KIND SOUL NEEDS TO SOLIDIFY…

They both texted me and we sat from 11-3:30 talking about how to move forward in our lives with grace

You wouldn’t think this is an “A. Ha” moement but having tried to teach and explain this to dozens of other artists not many have fully bought into moving from forgiveness..NONE actually ….they choose to hold onto their STORY and in that the Pain of the MAternal and in that I am a punching bag…as I am THE MATERNAL….i have learned…

It is exhausting and painful but I am there to show the benefits. A woman- a creative- owning her fault lines and taking responsibility…they have a roadmap if they want it…does and don’t s

And as we sat there I have to remind myself these woman are 20 plus years younger then me…both of them have proven in thier way of living…that they are more interested in killing their ego and moving from love more than anything else…

They are not saints…nor am I …we are powerful Alpha WOman with the ability to destroy…but I have informed them what that looks like over a life time and I give them thoughts on how to avoid holding on to anger too long…

THey ask me to the coffe juice shop and as I sit there and TEACH…I instantly see what I have..the daughters I never did, the company I will eventually build and a philosophy that these two women find valuable in their lives.

I am the Artistic DIrector of The Creative Shelter. We practice the S.U.R.F. Acting method and we wil be appearing throughout MIami this year and launching officially in Edinburgh in August 2019- We share stories of HOW TO LOVE along the maternal fault line…

SURFing Process

F$%K … Recasting

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In my process of getting out of character (SURF) the hardest part for ME is recasting. It is the point where I know what I am doing is perpetuating pain and I have to change but the question is what and how and where and when.
And i am not moving…not doing my class…no studio…just tried to get time at little Haiti and one door was locked- one was taken and the theater was setting lights as i heard the sound and knew there was someone in the light booth..

Where is ALONE….

Today i realized that

I have wanted my own artistic VOice for a long while and I have it and it is so strong that it isn’t letting me work with anyone or any company or any message that isn’t on the same path.
THUS it has become clear that it is…
dibiulitaing to me NOT to have my own company…

Knowing what I can’t do without causing me pain pushing me into a corner of the ONE and ONLY thing I Can do.

Officially establish my company
My PLACE to do MY work and work with like minded creative that are in line with ME…

Artist that are here to spread LOVE
Not pain
Artist that are healed or demand to try and be
Artist that let go and move on and forgive
Artist that take responsibility
Artist that have empathy
Strong ALPHA voices that have vision and alphaness
People who can hold me

I am heading to the graphic designer to create the SURF logo
So i can take my freind up on talking at the chamber and introduce officially to the city my company. My Artistic Company

I can set a date for the next show and how stories are our passions…seeing the story you are in and choosing to shift what is needed form your position and with those you live with so that you can have a better version of your story…pas-present and future.

Transforming through performance…

So my a issue in my tissue is that i am an amazing pleaser and I have to stop activating that becasue it is not aligned…I am pleasing others before myself and that is never a good thing. I can’t do it anymore and this last part – the accommodating – I have no time for that-

This is the year of pleasing Susie…If it pleases me…

Now I must lift weights and strengthen my core-

solidification

RECASTING AS
A strong older woman with wrinkles and a voice!
Cue the kitchen walls as they fall open like a house of cards and the world is revealed and I am free- Flowing and forgiven.

List
Logo for SURF
Trademark name
Class and process
Venue for Edinbough

S

Acting

Is your ACTING technique harming you?

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If you use your painful experiences to help you tap into emotion in your work you are re triggering your past experiences and will have to contend with that trauma after the play/film is done.

If you allow yourself to fully feel the trauma of your character you will also need to deal with that residue after the play is over

If you are aware of your ability to absorb try and get out of character often- in between scenes and when the play is finished each night and when the play closed- take time to RECOVER…maybe you will have less emotional traumas than most.

And a long and lovely career as well as home life.

I also suggest consider NOT marrying an actor. Actos by nature are transient ethereal beings…and one in a relationship is quite enough.

Kitchen

Goodbye…..auditioning

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I love auditioning…I love playing with an idea and being asked to go against the concept I just thought of.

That is what an audition can be like if it is a good one. Someone asks you to redue your piece with an adjustment…sometimes they give it to you and sometimes they give you the exact adjustment and you have to create it right there.

What is happening is that the casting people are seeing
1) can you act
2) can you take direction
3) are you versatile

I love this process and I think that I may love it WAY TOO too much…well older parts of me love it…like a past lover…you are over them but a part of you…may need one last go..to be sure and that is what this past audition was..

BECAUSE

Auditioning is the apitamy of pleasing..

I have long given that role up but in an audition when a director is asking you to make an adjustment you are trying to ultimately please her so that she will cast you.

It is a hot coal pleasing situation and I love it except…this last time..I noticed I was aware that I was pleasing…and that is a problem-

If you are trying to please but you know you are PLAYING the role…a type of awareness comes into the game which I never had before.

I use to love auditions becasue I am an amazing pleaser but now that I don’t spend my days pleasing or desiring to please hardly anyone..I was acutely aware that I WAS..in the auditions.. becoming the PLEASER and that was an extra layer of awareness that made my work feel crowned.

It was fine..I don’t believe I got the role and I hope I don’t bc what I just came to realize is that this is a TRAP!

Why I auditioned was so that I woudln’t have to go back up to the mountains for Thanksgiving with my husbands fmaily..being the NON pleaser in training I was looking for an excuse. I applied for the casting while on a week long last minute trip with them in a cabin and I was fine but secretly wishing I could RUN…

and I DO NOT WANT to spend another week there in November and I just may have to if I don’t have a reason not to and so I auditioned and well…

See…it isn’t even the holiday it is the repetition of the holiday these years…but I can’t sabotage my desire NOT to be around tons of people in a cabin with auditioning for another persons work. It is a TRAP!!!!!

I want to just own that I am doing my own work about myself and that is what is going to happen…I DON’T HAVE THAT MUCH ENERGY TO BE IN ANOTHER PLAY AND WORKING ON MY OWN PIECE.

I will end up letting go of something..I am a monogamous person in love and in work I believe and I need to hold myself to my own moon light and keep myself in line with what I want to do FOR MYSELF..and maybe that will elevaiate my resistance to join other people for the holidays.

I have auditioned for my whole life..I refuse to do it regardless of how amazing i am at it..becasue the audition is a gateway to the drug of OTHER PEOPLE’s work and I have come so far from that place.

TO begin again becasue I happen to have cabin fever and I am free is not what I need right now.. I need to
cut the fat myself
..becasue I SAY SO…
.create my piece and perform it..

that is what I am doing this year and I am not going to allow myself to push it off again.

It is like that author who walked 30 days to figure out why he can’t write.

JUST WRIGHT SUSIE

.

Kitchen

Acting….the mind of us and dissociative identity disorder

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I just heard about Dissociative identity disorder and it reminds me of what method actors like myself deal with…

If people can developed DID from trauma (during their early years) that is repetitive then by accessing personal trauma to create a role and then repeating it in a play or movie you can also build an ALTER ego…which is hard to get rid of…and most don’t even try to or are aware of it.

When the ALTER CHARACTER for an actor is created by tapping into their personal memory or traumas the ALTER will blend with YOU- intertwine…

If you have found peace with your traumas of your past and used forgiveness and asked them to forgive you and truly released the charge then…the ALTER/CHARACTER you create while you act is not meshed with your personal trauma and you can indeed get out of character when you finish the job if you allow yourself the time for rehabilitation.

If you don’t rehab- your fluid memory skills might absorb the characters trauma as yours…for example. Think of a person who had a knee injury and after time is was healed but the person still limped. This is bc the mind hasn’t really been retrained to know the injury doesn’t need to be protected-

Also each trauma is an ego and egos don’t willingly die and the only way to RELEASE them- i have found- is with soft kind uncharged love. The least amount of energy needed will indeed release the trauma- because if you aggressively go in… you will have that trauma aggressively dig in or return in some sort of Trigger.

Thus my Method…SURF  was created…a movement therapy like process that involves a performance aspect that releases the EGO through unconscious movement lead PERHAPS by our authentic healed self..

I wish someone who worked with Dissociative identity disorder would talk with me and what I have learned about myself and other actors who use their pain for their art.

Two fold- they hurt themselves and others as they project pain into the content and thus into the threads that weave our society

Kitchen

Hello…ROLF

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I teach about getting out of character..it is a movement class that uses your own inspired movement and song to help you understand the story you are in and perhaps allow your body to resolve it.

I went to a yoga class in HIGHALAND and the woman who owns it mentioned my shoulders were up- then we got to talking and she mentioned she does ROlfing…i was curious…

I set up a session and it was wonderful She maneuvered my musicales and tendons so allow my sockets to have space and and down down down went my shoulders and my neck straightened out.

Funny- I always tell steve I need space…The practitioner mentioned how much “potential”I had in my shoulders…wee just needed to make space I was thinking..as she pressed into the tightness and seemed to reset their positioning…

Kitchen

Hello….selfie Headshots

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Today I decided it was time to start taking my new headshot. I had meant to have a freind who is amazing at taking them take them but as I thought on it I realized that being able to capture myself on camera has become an obsession with me so why not try a head shot.

I took a ton of shots and I know this is just the beginning…I was happily surprised that I was able to find myself through the lense and that in todays day and age of online images, I can easily upload and post them.

I am curious how much of a one man band I can be with my acting career this year.
I am planing on self submitting and not having an agent. I plant to work directly with my career and I am creating a website that is a daily dose of this proces..

It is amazing becoming a more honest version of myself. I am really convinced that my happiness has been equal to my ability to live honestly

THis is me- I am excited to see what I will become without baggage and bullshit and being in a place where I can say…this is enough for me…

I have gone through a lot and I am now interested in go through just enough..

These are my own headshot and I wil begin using them for my online submission for job.
What better way to learn to love yourself as you age than to celebrate yourself in a self portrait that is not retouched ..becasue no one can see me or love me more than I love myself and that my loves is the truth.

I sometimes think this whole experience is about learning to love yourself more and more each day…despite all of it. And in this journey of letting go of ALL my secrets thus ALL my hidden stories and thus my anger and my need for protection of distortion..fake boobs.

..i feel like I run on an underground river beneath all of Miami…I taste things and feel tings in my own way and it is based on my own rules and universe and in here..in this world..if I can manage to keep myself from belittling it becasue it is so sweet and soft and kind…if I can tame my own drama queen at least once a month then…

Then,,,,my truth gets stronger, my heart gets wider and I get more and more translucent.

NOTE ******* I just found out that if you take the photo without makeup and then use Microsoft selfie to add makeup…and I plan to

Kitchen

Hello….N.W.S.A.

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I sat at a table last night after a play reading and what came to me was that many of the people I was sitting with and the one who organized the reading had all been part of New World School of the Art. A school I graduated from WAAAAAYYYY back in the day.

So basically, I was sitting at a table of like minded artist becasue they were all put through the same training.We connected and were on the same page instantly becasue we knew where we came from. Be it good or bad…it was the same and in that there was a familiarity to us all. We all had a touchstone…a commonality of trainers that we could compare notes on and in that I realized what I had been searching for all along was here…a family. Independent of each other we are all actresses all trained at one point at the base point…alike.

I felt at home..in my way, in this really soft way. I don’t know these women very well but we are all still sisters. We were raised by the teachers and went through the same mini-dramas that built us to be exactly who we turned out to be.

IT was a great night and to remember that no matter what…I am an actress and I can never undue it.

S