Marriage is this…is this very slippery slope you are trying to navigate…to where…I suspect a look out…a viewpoint…a moment when you can access the distance you achieved. Or so I thought.
Marriage I have found in my 20 year of becoming a married woman….is about reflection…a house of mirrors you can’t escape that you eventually ( maybe) begin to feel the need to just sit down in….see the versions of you and realize…this is a truth…
maybe not you one you wished to expose
maybe not the one you thought you’d maintain the entire two decades
maybe not even a version of a person you would hug in the street but
you just the same
if you are able to receive that…a group of impressions from a person and their family and your family of who you are… then you stay married
If you can’t
If other people’s inability to totally see you whole tortures you…
I suppose ( like I have often toyed with ) RUN
RUN The hell out of anything that offers you broken versions of your perfection.
I have come to understand my kinder mirror is in nature…in the ocean and in the trees.
They care not what your camera captures.
They know not of what light allowed the golden rule to exist
they care nothing
And they–like me— respect others limited perspective….limited viewpoint…
and i …i soften my gaze –blur my vision and
feel myself. we FEEL just FINE and that…that new understanding of a FINE TUNED PERSON……
sits still in the joy of her achievement…
sits anywhere on that slippery slope and realizes as she places her hands on the ground…
it was all a perspective…the ground has been leveled -the road clear and only the internal chaos has murkied the playing field.
Marriage is what you make it…
just like anything else you do in your life
So 20 years just given a spiritual handshake
Yes the sky is what you say it is Pertrucio
and yes I KATE have become a married woman
and what of that.
A place to hold my chair to sit and mediate to take a breath.
My marriage is my touchstone……
to the next 20