Funny little thing….
I haven’t Drunk anything for months and then in comes a freind and I have two drinks one night and then a week later at Halloween I pour a rum which I never drink and then last night a glass of wine at dinner after yoga.
I am getting over a cold from working my toosh off and feel that the push to reactivate my acting career has now been established and this desire for a little drink here and there is allotted but
The truth is-
I hate drinking.. I hate how it makes me feel——what is does to me…the things i’ve Done while on it…forgiven but still…and yet I had been having them and it is funny how things you don’t like can become habits becasue you do them once and then twice and then three times and now you have to check in…
I think this is why many people don’t venture outside their comfort zone in case they tap into a darker element and like it and that happens to me a lot.
I am trying to learn how to respond to things that don’t align with me better self…and rather only tap into my negative and I have found this month has been a LOT about that…and I handled myself super well.
I am a lover mostly and see the good in everyone despite what is does to me…I want to help but this month I have learned the skill of NOT GIVING A FUCK about people…this is an amazing feeling and a tool I am learning is great when being LESS involved..
I am not just working on establishing my own patterns and getting in touch with what this next month will be
I won’t be with my family during the HOLIDAYS—not my nuclear family..well actually I will be with them but not the ones I built the ones i was built into…anyway..
The point is that I am trying to live my acting LIFE and that means I have to make MAJOR sacrifices regarding my kids and husband this month…this month I am working on a play I tried not to be part of but they recast ME and wrote a really nice piece for me and so I was happy to do the job.
I am also learning how NOT to allow people to steal my love…bc one person I see is often companining and it is adicting and I don’t want to be part of it. And so I am going to reschedule my time with her…and see how that Works…I need to be more in my own world and open to meeting NEW people… and right now I am pretty busy with this one person which and whom I love but really…I need a break from the Habit of it all.
I need to stop meeting up with this conversation in my head..it is a BUZZ kill and I need to be around working people…creative working people again….thank goodness I have rehearsal today for the play I almost turne down….
