Hello…..critical eye

THe hardest thing for me about NOT doing when a person I love who does do BOTOX comes over and looks at me and I think I know that all they are thinking is UGH..”why doesn’t Susie deal with those crazy ass lines on her face?”

I just got home from an audition where the guy said, as I walked are beautiful…so the thing is we have to understand who we are going to listen to – Men, Women…ourselves… all of it! Many people have said that to me as I walk into a room. I think there is a vibe when I am in my actor role that I internally shine…I happened to do a wonderful audition and I was thrilled…I immediately put on music and drove away and let the character dissolve before i returned home…


Although I love my botoxed friends and think they mostly look amazing and young…I have to remember that I am answering to a higher authority..the film and theater world that creates stories and the story I want to tell or at the the perspective of the story I want to tell is from a person who has learned -eventually -to accept her age and yes…there are porcelen faces all around me and yet I look great frozenish too but

I am somehow here to say…THe breast were enough of a falsehood for a lifetime…Lesson is that “Lies and Susie” don’t go well. I tend to confuse them for fact and build a world on those lies and then I end up in a false version of myself…a FAKE reality and when I am in acting the most important thing I need to have is a REAL HOME WITH REAL PEOPLE AND REAL STORIES

I am MUCH more honest now and in my honesty I have to admit I am growing older everyday and I will be looking more and more like my elders everyday and although I want to try and stop time from time to time the only way to stop it is to end it and that…that is not my desire.

I love looking at my children and seeing them age and I hope the same for them to me. Steve is not into fake and he now has a sense for is so it kind of works out for both of us for me to stay honest

On that note I am going to double down on my hood and build on to my house and release any desire to upgrade becasue as the end of the day I am just interested in being me and doing me and this is where i am growing…

I literally just had an audition with a women who I met at my gym a few years ago. I am in the right city- it is all going to evolve and I want to evolve with it.And again in order to evolve I am going to have to allow myself to gracefully kindly grow older.