Yesterday I posted the latest simplified version of the bibbitec for sale on EtSY. Just me and a woman who cuts and sews and Etsy. I want to see if timing makes a difference in business. https://www.etsy.com/search?q=bibbitecETSY SHOP
I am going to take orders and then build them out I am also NOT going to use social media but rather the universe to push the idea. I want to see if the wind behind my back is a thing. I also heard right before I went to sleep that Shark Tank aired our episode again for the “millionth” time.
So now to sit to see is someone who has recently had a bay find the bib on ETSY!
Upon landing in the city yesterday it occurred to me that this was ME the REAL ME returning to the city I loved. I left my LARGER WINDOWED WALL studio apartment in 1999 to go home to Miami for thanksgiving which morphed into a boob job which morphed into hesitation upon returning which morphed into working in a few PAID plays in Miami, which morphed into gettin engaged to an old flame, then married and All thesew little slow detachments…
And that’s how I left NYC…it kind of happened…I never REALLY ever went back…I subleted out my LARGE WINDOWED WALL studio rent stabilized apartment on 15th and 3rd and rented a one bedroom balcony apartment in MIami Beach…It happened like that…Steve preferred Miami and looking back I have to say the idea of returning to NYC to continue my acting with my new boob additions felt like Pig in lipstick but HOT.:)
NYC to me meant authenticity.where serious actors go….. Miami was FAKE and silly and now I was FAKE..and becoming silly .so I kind of felt more at home in my Home town of 305.
So yesterday when I landed it was the first time since 1999 ( sans implants) that I had been in the CIty without my Implants and to those who have never had them – it meant that my heart was a little closer to the air-the smell- the city and we were beating in unison… and the felling is of being HOME HERE…within myself..reclaiming inch by inch my self.
Letting go of NYC was not easy but my life in Miami was. It it warm and exciting and green and sun filled and sand paved.
Mistakes make us who we are…and help us us appreciate who we aren’t
I tried Botox a few years ago. It was great all my lines disappeared and my age went down at least five maybe even ten years. It was amazing…the first time when it went well but the constant returning to the Dr’s office became a drag.
“ THose lines must be driving you crazy” She comes toward me with a vile of relief and the movement of this repetitive action begins to scrape at my internal chord. My chord that was growing stronger..or wanted to. THe desire to know myself.
I decided to try and see what life was like without it…it sucked I grew ten years older over night and felt the power of my prowess dissolve. I expected the frequency of the Male Gaze to drop but it was the female smirks I was now receiving.
Lines on anyone’s forehead are starting to drive people crazy it seems and trying to communicate with loved ones whose expressions were limited was beginning to bother me.
I have chose to explore the road… as best I can… without FAKE things in me. Without limiting my movement and without disgracing my experiences. I am ok- I can’t say I am fully at FLOW with it- but I believe it is the aging process more than anything.
I google reasons not to do it just to keep me centered in the journey but it is harder than I imagined. Becoming OLD in Miami at a day and time when youth and the young hold the power.
I suppose it is part of letting go of a power that perhaps wasn’t mine to begin with because in the end your can’t loose what was never yours.
About 3 months ago I realized I was very much ONLINE and into facebook!
Then Listened to Zuckerberg during his deposition.
He kept saying, “ I’m sorry “
I decided I didn’t want to be involved in whatever it was he was sorry for.
MId in April 2017 -I went off cold turkey from Off Facebookall social media- eventually removed the vlogs I had posted throughout the year and sat still.
The first few days were hard. I didn’t know what to do with my hands or my thoughts. I was just walking in circles suffering from a post social media dayz.
I was reprogramming in a way- a desire to be heard and seen were now being projected back onto be. It was on me…my choice ….to find something that I wanted to fill my mind with. and do and not just sit idly by waiting for information to inspire me to take action.
I also went off news and began to disconnect from all the information I had filled myself with. I journeyed sans audience and sans applause.
It was very lonely in a way- disconnected in a way.
FRom this lonely stillness I began to move slowly and softly and have recently found myself in a little tribe I never knew about and doing movement I never dreamed of.
As a movement person this injects obvious bliss..removed of all outside attraction I go inside and find myself outside again.
