Last sat a freind came over and yada yada yada we ended up going to my studio and doing a piece. She was able to relax with a little CBD oil and her work was intense and honest.
This week I happened to brng a few people to the room and she was able to play with Dana and even Philip. The class was really wonderful. A great warm up and a great release.
We ended the class doing a movement that was inspired by Philip that happened to look like a peace I was working on in my room.
I also have been playing with video and showed Philip the idea I had for the video. I like making film movie clips..days bleed into each other
Mason will go back to school this week…he is happy about it. Jaecon will remain online..he is also happy about that too.
I have been liking being part of the brainstorming aspect of things.
I am thinking of doing an event on the 16th but it stresses me more that it should…I think I will just wake up early on the 16th and do a piece in the water and film it. SUNRISE…
If it happens through divine inspiration I will let it but all day today I was sad. I took CBD finally.. but the fact is that a full moon class is amazing IF you can handled the energy transmutation that you get as an after affect.
This entire week I have been feeling super insecure. I have felt like I am walking away from parts of me and that I am sad to see her go for now. I wonder who I will be if I don’t obsess about a number on the scale, WHY why > do I worry about that? So i found a journal today that talked about October 16th circa 1997 ish and about being at an apartment that was 125 ne 4th street. The event I wanted to do was/is on 125th and October 16th is the new moon and I feel that will be a much better time to think about this vibe I want to offer up.
i felt class went amazing and the brainstorming session also that all happened in THE CREATIVE SHELTER on OCtober 3rd
The day I was married – the day I was engaged – Early October to me is always a VERY powerful time and the beginning of FEB is again…a time that seems to give GREAT gifts. Shark Tank, DIgital Risk…
My book is finished. My cover art my back cover my graphs my book. It was read by a freind who decided to take the class after. After I publish I think we will start to get the SEO all up and running and I will be FOUND. She is now texting me about a grant for working with women being released from prisons.
I went to the beach the other day. I may go tomorrow. in the morning.. it was yom kippor. I am not interested in doing weights on my legs…I am do feel as my mother said..that I gain weight in my legs..i saw that in a journal and i think she said it to me in my 20 and still I am like wow…what is the weight on the scale.
I don’t want to weight- weight for steve weight for me be a weight a number a scale..I want to be the scale not a person on the scale…I am the one that qualifies the worth of my self..my body..
I have released the male gaze and took it to me but even in me I have been tortured with perfection never to be achieved and so I again say goodbye..
I yearn for a time without scales…no weight to be won. A time without numbers that qualify one. I am so understanding that an amount is a weight and a weight is a thing that you attach to escape.
If I chose to undue it..not care what it said. I would also release myself from the connection deep in my head that yearn me to wonder what more do I need when the truth is that I am as free as free as can be.
