“I have so much Anger”….I heard her say as she dipped her veggie in Hummus. Anger in my body just seeping out…”That is what all this is….these illnesses it is ANGER coming out.”
I sat still on the train as a white light skinned man hunched over with a dirty sweater and a full bag of his things- his mask over his chin and his light blue eyes piercing me…his words grow louder and louder and I sit still. I look over my scarf acting as a mask and see the eyes of everyone in the train staring back at me as he screamed in my face and questioned my ability to Speak ” Can you speak….Can you speak?” He asked me…he demanded me to answer
I stay quiet.
My eyes heard my position. I am alone here. No one is going to bat not even my friend…no one…and in that I rose above the entire train and I was entered by Mary. Mary came and gave this lepper blessing and I say lepper as she saw him. As he would have been in the days she was alive…he was spitting at me with his words and despite the covid conversation it was gross and i /Mary just sat there blessing his..looking directly into his snow blue eyes. and as the train crossed the 14 blocks I held my gaze.
when I got off I threw the water from my bottle on my hands and on my face to try and clean the moment away. And yet…I realize that I am another version of myself.
I am not scared
I am not a victim
I am MaRY
I am aligned
I am fine
I am not anything but fine
and I don’t know