Author: Susie Taylor

Structural tension…without coffee lasts twice as long…

I tend not to buck or yell or break the silence…I am sitting here…waiting…waiting for Nedra to take the notes from all the people that read the play and build a clearer opening and closing.

We have 2/3 of the piece done and that all is fine…I haven’t started to memorize I don’t have my egg or my sound or my lighting…or my other costumes exactly but…I am feeling like…feeling like…once I get to LA get in the room with Nedra we will create a piece that is going to KNOCK
our socks off…

I think I have forgotten myself entirely..forgotten the point of this…forgotten why I am even doing this and the passion has sort of shifted into a current…like I am in a current and I am just allowing things to happen and it is a trust thing and a newer thing…and I am off coffee like I said and things are SLOW like MOLASSES and I am BORED but know..it is only temporary…I totally don’t know how to relax…I don’t know how to just be ok with doing nothing but then I do…like an exhausted dog catch my breath …but lately….I am detoxing…detoxing from foods I found I am allergic to… and in that…I am internally shifting…

I just finished an aloe cleanse and now I am starting something that is called SP CLEANSE and just allowing myself to follow my body.

I miss my room I rent…I haven’t been there..I was working with circus people but tomorrow I will go there I think…why am I so tired…I am just so out of it..

I feel pre exhausted…Like I am building up for the show that will for sure be truly exhausting…I am excited ..I am scared out of my wits but not that scared…I am subdued in a way…

I am awaiting my travels this summer…I am aware I have no clothes…I need to get a sense of myself and myself isn’t being a great friend…I have become boring and disconnected from others and very very selfish and self focuses and feel like…I hate it…I hate working on my stuff and being all about me but I also know it is important and soon will feel totally normal and I will be able to place my legs under my shoulders again.

I have a structure for my circus dance at the start of the show…I hope to have my egg costume …tomorrow…who knows…all is going well…but really…who knows and who cares but for a little pin in the wall that said…been there done that.

Love susie

Since Aug 16th 2018 I have started to decide I will do a one woman show. FOR REALS. A lifelong one day is now fast approaching. I have booked a theater and rented a home bought tickets for my family and I and have spent the last 4 months penning a script with one of my creative besties…Ms. Nedra Gallegos…

The script is ironing itself out and I have begunto put it on its feet then off to rewrite and then back on.

I have hired a person to help me get press. I have hired a person for social media once I get to Scotland…three friends are joining me…to support and take advantage of the opportunity of the experience…

I am feeling like this play has been writing itself in me for years and years…
and I am excited.

At the moment, I have decided to self-direct. As it is about me and I have some solid ideas…I am working with my Aunt Marcia on the costume…she who actually helped me dean bibbitec..and I am excited to be joining forces with her…and then I found Larry the designer to build a even better version of it.

My husband is listening to me and I am sharing the storyline with him and getting his input. I am proud of myself that I am actually asking and actually taking it without resistance to defensiveness. It is a rare feeling I am having more and more of copasetic behavior with the powerful people that are aligning with me on this project

I feel that this will be a major experience for me and I am allowing myself to slowly move toward it enjoying each part of it…even this part…the prep of the prep.

I wish you all big dreams and the freedom and the wings big enough to chase them…I feel like this has been a dream I built feather by feather and I am wining my wings and proud of each one’s ability.

I am asking the universe to continue to guide me…be it god or light or breath…all of it…to take me …let me draft…xoxox.
s

I spent the past several years piecing myself together. trying to find out who I am …through movement…through videos…through writing and now through play. I am putting all the pieces back together again…Humpty Dumpty.

I created a concept and wrote a play with my dearest darling NEDRA….we are taking the play to Edinburgh as a salute to Motherhood and parenthood and the roles we play…and to actors and how we hold the key to mental health…by understanding how to GET OUT OF CHARACTERS….fully.

We started writing this I believe….in November by asking people to help me and then slowly found myself with Nedra writing out the stories they all sent in and tying it up in a bow-ish type of thing…I rewrote it she and I spent hour on the phone skit by skit and in the the final pages were nailed in…

Today Nedra wrote me the end of the play and I will be sending it t a director Monday and in that we will begin the rehearsal process.

the next phase of creation.

I did a scene last night about wrinkles about age and in that I was liberated…like a had never felt …or recently felt…a sense of FUCK YOU AND….I am still SUSIE KREITMAN TAYLOR…

I create art in my home town in my own city and. I tell stories I like and love to hear…and that my friends ….is all I need…..beyond my family

Simple girl…surrounded by love….xoxoxoxo

S

In order to change something, you have to stay in the thing and be the change. You have to hold your place till the opportunity arises to crush it all.

Last night I filmed a scene in a bathroom in the mirror…and it was about me…my character… growing old…No. ..me ..my character…being old…it was a camera on my skin in my face and in my soul saying…look what you are so scared of?…these wrinkles?…these tiny lines?…this skin?…this is what you are scared of?

I played the scared woman and with that I exited the bathroom and felt a slow rush that took about two hours to process…

it was a FUCK YOU Rush.

When I exited the bathroom the three woman on set were discussing to themselves their own personal need for BOTOX and sleeping on their back…after watching my scene on the monitor-my face has caused them to fear the future …. what is coming and in that…

in that I realized I am the future. I am beyond. I am liberated from wondering what it will look like because I am there….on the train and I bought my ticket and I am not trying to force myself in the kiddie rides or roles…I am fully committed to being OLD…Wise…Beautiful….Kind….and ME…..as I am….as I become….

And those around me….I know they love me….for me…not for my tight  face  or falsies in my breast…all of that BS is gone…so they ..those that love me…  love me ……for me… and in that…in that….in that….I am free…

Today while researching on the ground…my upcoming role of a galleries… I happened upon a real one…THE one that just happened to become 1 and we had 2 for tea…

Please remember to open doors for yourself in Miami and beyond…because those that do are often treated well.

Take heed not to sit on your toosh…but rather venture onto the streets..the internet can only give you a level of understanding but to truly GET IT… you have to BE THERE..

explore….find…touch…and enter the physical truth ….anything else is a replication of a replication..or a …

leveling up is work…it is hard work and it comes all at one time…I am convinced..or at least it feel that way because you are entering a l=new level and so it seems MORE…but give it Time..

soon that will feel old hat and you will be yearning for more…

I am working a great deal and happy for it and want more…I am only asking for more because the alternative is not useful to me or my family…I have energy that need to be harnessed and used and placed into or onto something…other than my loved ones

creative energy is fire..it is important to harness it and manage it and when I grow more intense it is importune two thank it and reward it and wish for more burn and chawed hands…because…you rise to the occasion that you desire most…Currently I am rising to the working actor creator title and killing it!!!

More and more and more….please…I want it

my body…shakes….like I have the shivers…when I am letting go..
It literally breaks down and shakes and releases…
it is also set free and stopped the minute a truth is heard..
my body knows…my body hears and my body can guide me.
That is why I speak to myself when I am going through things or speak with people while I am emotional…becasue the right words will heal you and the only way to know what those are is to allow someone in while you are hurt…this is so vulnerable and doesn’t always help bc the other person may or may not have the skills and you may or may not know how to receive yet..

but lets say you allow yourself to be hurt in the open and you allow the persons you trust to speak to you…I promise you…you will only be healed by those that are for YOU…truly…

Our minds are not guides
Our hearts our..
our bodies are diligent servants of our desire…but if we don’t follow our desire…often and always we will begin to let the mind and ego guide our bodies by chance…and no one should live a life by chance…unless it is a chance encounter of the heart..

I felt lost and couldn’t find me..I had headaches…for a couple weeks…..I finely got ti a trainer to work on my neck and head area and I felt a rush as my body reset and my sensory neurons opened…I saw clearly..
and I was receptive..again

I am thinking that this will be part of my regime…these next few months…as I continue to work and grow this part of my acting career

SKT

I like writing plays with friends. Talented women. This is my third play I have written with someone and I am very very excited. Funny how I need a hand to hold and ya know what…that is fine by me. I tend to have ideas and the talented women I now have ideas and between the two of us comes a third. I just now while writing this realized I have written three plays…each one about woman and this one specifically about me.

They say write what you know and boy do I KNOW KNOW me.

ok

so so tired

See you tomorrow…just wanted to scribe before the week was gone…grab a friend and create something…becasue building with others is a beautiful gift you can give yourself…

she has escaped me recently as I have spent a few weeks healing…my skin my head and my mom…all over the month of February…

Fuck February but then again thank you February …I love you… I took time to care for myself and my loved ones and well…I hope we are gearing up for a beautiful Spring

I am sure this holding…think hunkering down …this letting go of the critic in me…is done…I accept me…warts and Basel cells and mis spellings…I am not better than you and no worse…we are all just doing our do.

So go on…DO YOU…make it all you can with all you have and enjoy every little morsel of it…because in the end our life is what we remember…what we think happened and what we accepted …and all the rest is just lost…in misrepresentation and misunderstanding ..play it out loud and play it well…Why Not?

No one else really cares too much about what you do..as long as you don’t hurt people…so just DO YOU…I am and I hope and know in that I will find her…my Sexy little Susie….who has been sleeping and relaxing at taking a bit of a rest bit…I guess,..

Love you

Susie

I will be performing a one woman show in Edinburgh in August 2019. I will be telling my story as best I can in hope that can celebrate my lineage, my life and my destiny.

I submitted my registration and my insurance and I am all set,

Except for the fact that most of my registration was in need of adjusting but I think many of the theater folk need that. I am not special when it comes to this lack of detail in the admin department. But just because I get it wrong doesn’t mean I don’t get it.

I am going to reset this bump into bubbles…into little bubbles that I will no doubt become aware of more and more as I do more and more of this work.

Eventually I will have an image and a name and a description that isn’t changing and I will be all set but till them…I am looking for it.

I am totally starting before I am ready…I am jumping before the shoot if fully opened but isn’t that how most sky divers do it…they know…they trust…it will open..it will happen…and if not..

well….the sky diver may die and I …Ill just love myself even more..

But nothing is going to stop this freight train…it was set in motion decades ago and somehow I am peacefully ready to make it happy.

S