IT is about a week since we closed…7 days
I woke up early and engaged and totally aware of the version of SUSIE that i have developed a functional relationship to.
Mrs. Wade is gone…sweet, exhausted, hamstrung and closeted Mrs. Wade is released and all of SUSIS’S parts that aligned with her…residue of what SUSIE herself/ myself release- have left as well…I declare.
I learn from my characters what I want and don’t want in my next self and what I want is what Mrs. Wade alluded to…I want to become the person I was meant to be…but in truth…I already am…I have created a soft shell around an essence of LOVE and light and I have been able to protect HER every morn….in a slow ritual and awake kindly to another attempt to live truth seeking and kind…
THe one thing I am edging to is a PEACE in Scotland…a play I have anointed myself to that will be my focus…soft focus the next 8 months…. long term stuff.
My creativity is not an ever flowing stream and my TIME emotionally away from my kids has been helpful during this season as I am limited in my ability to deal with family. I don’t pull my husband or kids always from their family as their relationship is totally different then mine and to appoint my relationship as theirs is off.
My desire to be around loving kind beings is what works for me…having certain energy in my house is helpful…and allowing myself to seperate from others that KINK my flow is fine…as I in turn KINK theirs too.
Painful for both.
THis has brought me to a quiet place with my guide I speak with each morning…I don’t demand imspiration or creative highs…I simply dance softly with her and allow her to lead me…guide me…take me where she wants to and show me what I can experience.
Taking away the weight training from my workout has been huge for me…The agressivess that I fall back to in fear of dissolving is not helpful at this time..Yoga and fluid movement and dancing naked in the rain during the winter showers is the direction I am going…
I am not interested in EGO play and play towards a higher person which leads me to the understanding that I may not be a leader.in the way I KNOW it now…..a person others will follow ..or congregate towards but that will be determined this year..as I follow my essence….forward…I trust I will find my FAMILY.
Moving without EGO is gentle and kind and not ANGRY it is going to be a beautiful and slow and essentially boring year for DEVON but dearest Devon…I suspect you have found another HOST to attach yourself to becasue I my loving darling am not going to feed you what you need…
I am following shadows ….scents and whispers and those are my guides…
I am in RECASTING…I am in the place with no name or destiny….and from here is where I will tilt towards my future self…with kindness and forgiveness and understanding….trust that I can created without being in pain…that my own pain is not my creative channel but in fact a KINK in it. How interesting to realize your original inpistaion was bloackinng your entire being…
Where do you feel you are inspired from?
Could that be a KINK your Ego enjoys tightening?