I found this word today by asking my husband what he felt the opposite of segregation was.
I had been segregated by life these back years to dissect them. It had began with the death of my father the several years of therapy and the hitting of a brick wall with my inability ability to see Myself. It them moved into performances based on self awareness, kindness, the female journey and relationships. The final aspect was pice… not so much a performance process but one that stemmed from being in quarantine these past few months.
I have found my work. My creative self and my family did not conflict but rather coincided. The space of my house became the backdrop to my work, my creative expression , my impression and all without having to leave the heart strings I so desperately love, my family.
I have always thought acting and family were oxymorons. I had been taught that young and although I peeled away the belief through action I had not uprooted the original programing – till now. To be home creating, not needed to venture out, not having to run from the disturbances of my home as they clash with my creative SUSIE-
The idea of letting a SPACE i had always and desperately wanted to go, to send a text perhaps to say thank you and that it served its purpose…I am integrated.
I am integrated. I have kindly placed all my pieces back together and I have been able to flow and function at such high speeds. No breaks in emotion or energy having to exit and reenter my realisties. I am in one reality and have from here branched into others I have sold myself on. I am in one place and the creative juices flow around me. I am grounded and open minded and secure.
I was watching a show on Netflix as they discussed that a marijuana overdose reveals your holes and insecurities. I remember being concerned that no one could see me and that Steve would sometimes not be next to me even though he was driving the car. My fear was not being seen or heard and perhaps because I knew I wasn’t anywhere to long and thus I was nowhere..in my movement and in my work..I hadn’t tethered them in because it is not the pole it is myself – i have become the pole…centered, clear, understood more and more as I step forward with my work.
Integration. A woman’s work, apron strings and creative juices and the concostions I shall make.