it has been about three weeks of me finding out I had a nodule to going to my first endocrinologist appointment. I had a biopsy and blood and now I wait.
I had lots of signs…lots….but i have taken supplements to alleviate them and so the signs disappear a bit…and I cope a little more…. I cope
I get a massage and Peter exclaims ‘
1)Your skin soaks up the oil..it is so dry…
2)I have a two week long headache…I go off coffee it goes away…
3)I want to work out hard but my body is resistant to it..
4) I am irritable and annoyed and moody when I eat bead like I did in Edinburgh
5) I am fatigued to the bones sometimes…
.6) I have very heavy periods
7)i have a low but not too low THS
8) I have a sore throat
9) i have ridges in my nails
I am scared. i am hoping this is something I can work through…I tell him…”I am sad all these things I look for end up being something…and i am scared “and he says ” I understand that you are scared but you don’t have a reason to be” and that makes me angry and we start the quarrel loop…our special couple loop.
Being stressed in a huge no no….be calm and heal that dis ease and I think…how…how do you stay calm and function in this life at the same time..I have been calm on a retreat…when I am working…when i have few responsibilities…I can be calm..
I mediate …I move… I dance….I am coping with whatever this is…. there are reasons……damn it…
I cried all day today…from the moment I woke up and had an argument about nothing to the Dr. Saying ” it looks like Hashimoto’s” I pounce to a seated position from his doctor’s table …..I ball hard..from the hit…Hard cry in my car… long hard cry on the phone to my sister and my mom and my aunt and friend… cry it all out….drive around and then home…
another hole and I think this endless patching…this life.
no decisions on this..or even a pair of shoes today.. just .HOME to start to read the cookbook for thyroid recipes that my friend told me about.
I let myself be so so so very sad…that I am not perfect yet again…another hole and I think this endless patching…this life…I am fine now…tears are not available..anymore…..
compassion is easy to come by and not alwasy in the form you want it…brittle or moist …i have it around me…i am blessed and lucky I have people to go to ….reach out to….ask for hugs from…I have given enough hug deposits so I get to withdraw them now
I have given enough hug deposits so I get to withdraw them now
I am running on two separate wheels…one is dealing with this…health stuff and the other is dealing with my work…and that wheel is full and happy and calm and collected..and the one that is dealign with my home is a little flat…tires need to be adjusted.
