Hello hibernation.

I am home- it is a super beautiful day outside… I am inside…my skin is healing from the laser treatment. Winter in Miami is not a real thing so ..I will learn to entertain myself as best I can.

I have to say that my skin is starting to exfoliate off…. I am begin gin to emerge and I feel like this is All inline with this part of becoming…peeling off dead skin and allowing the new fresh vulnerable one to emerge.

I also started to do the Danette May coaching…It was offered at 3am and I bit. I am not going back to the one food program that made me feel totally amazing and look really great…and until I took out my implant it lasted but the two surgeries and the redefine what sexy was for susie has been a huge shift

I am now aware that SEXY has nothing to do with external…pretty does…but sexy…sexy is n the blood and sensual is in the mind and pretty…well that is just a topical thing and yet..I feel I am at that place…that I have worked on ALL my past and now it is time to reset the external to meet the internal..

I plan one day to have my own online coaching for the SURF method. So learning how Danette May disseminate information is important…it is tiny bites…tiny. Tiny…and it is enough

I started her work out again this morning…It is good…I am starting to feel the moter within being again…it has truly been on neutral for a while with sparks here and there. But as the Edinburg adventure begins to take shape I am beginning to feel the pacer begin.

I could push..I could force …I could go 1000 miles a minute but I won’t – I can’t
Instead I am being more still…feels like nothing but ti is something. Things are happening… I am just not making them happen with force…but rather through thought.. through my intuition
I am trusting a lot the calm again.

Trusting the this piece will be created through joy, through friendship, through a higher calling. and through forgiveness…I am working on trust by trusting. And working on feeling less than by putting myself in loving hands that can hold me…and remind myself again and again I am enough. And enough is not on fire…enough is warmth…coming from a fire…a few feet out of the pit…

I think part of this mistrust is my own mistrust…my own questioning on if I can handle things again. Handle what other people need from me.handle ebbing there….because I have been there…or maybe I haven’t really….haven’t had the desire to…and that is what I am dealing with…I am not that worried about other people beach I trust they can do it…and in that trusting I refrain from it.