Not my son….but it will be….i suspected and all too soon.

I am not a perfect mother…by far…but I am honest and in tune and loving and stern. I am protective and supportive and fierce and intense. I am all of these things in the blink of a sneeze I am a mother…who has become aware that I am the best I can be…I know my kids…i feel them…I am an empath and their frustration clouds my judgement at times when I should be cross…I buckle…but I limp back into place…I hold my ground and I Karate kid things into place one by one…

I am not botoxed..this makes me sad…I am not ironed clean I am a wrinkled ball of emotions…I am not HOT or SEXY and as I sit at tables I see mens eyes glance the ones that are..I am not ALL THAT…to THEM anymore…nor do I care to be

I find myself…when I cow tow to that pedantic behavior I know so well..I am not in chakras are closed I am walking with one eye glued shut and then something like my son not telling us where he is and us finding out through the text of a fellow parent that he is down the street at a young girls house and I peel my eye open and like a ton of lightening rods I see…what i have been frustrated with for days..

This thing…this pressure…this frustration…it was NOT mine at all.

He tells us he lies..I tell him we all have…he tells me he doesn’t know why and I say it will take you years to unwind them…start now…Learn from me..Unwind my dear loving boy and with that… into a spin he blurts it out


we fall to our knees….what was the LIE what was the cause of the endless deception…he was pretending he wanted a Bar Mitzvah for a Party for a what…is it true – why – could care less – he knows who he came from and all the angst the annoyance of trying to be forced to plan a party that felt like pulling teeth stops for a moment.