Author: Susie Taylor

I am home- it is a super beautiful day outside… I am inside…my skin is healing from the laser treatment. Winter in Miami is not a real thing so ..I will learn to entertain myself as best I can.

I have to say that my skin is starting to exfoliate off…. I am begin gin to emerge and I feel like this is All inline with this part of becoming…peeling off dead skin and allowing the new fresh vulnerable one to emerge.

I also started to do the Danette May coaching…It was offered at 3am and I bit. I am not going back to the one food program that made me feel totally amazing and look really great…and until I took out my implant it lasted but the two surgeries and the redefine what sexy was for susie has been a huge shift

I am now aware that SEXY has nothing to do with external…pretty does…but sexy…sexy is n the blood and sensual is in the mind and pretty…well that is just a topical thing and yet..I feel I am at that place…that I have worked on ALL my past and now it is time to reset the external to meet the internal..

I plan one day to have my own online coaching for the SURF method. So learning how Danette May disseminate information is important…it is tiny bites…tiny. Tiny…and it is enough

I started her work out again this morning…It is good…I am starting to feel the moter within being again…it has truly been on neutral for a while with sparks here and there. But as the Edinburg adventure begins to take shape I am beginning to feel the pacer begin.

I could push..I could force …I could go 1000 miles a minute but I won’t – I can’t
Instead I am being more still…feels like nothing but ti is something. Things are happening… I am just not making them happen with force…but rather through thought.. through my intuition
I am trusting a lot the calm again.

Trusting the this piece will be created through joy, through friendship, through a higher calling. and through forgiveness…I am working on trust by trusting. And working on feeling less than by putting myself in loving hands that can hold me…and remind myself again and again I am enough. And enough is not on fire…enough is warmth…coming from a fire…a few feet out of the pit…

I think part of this mistrust is my own mistrust…my own questioning on if I can handle things again. Handle what other people need from me.handle ebbing there….because I have been there…or maybe I haven’t really….haven’t had the desire to…and that is what I am dealing with…I am not that worried about other people beach I trust they can do it…and in that trusting I refrain from it.

I am ending the first day of Fraxel. My amazing friend performed the procedure like the artist she is. I was mulling this over for years and then back and forth this last month and finally I got my head all the way around it until I was beyond excited by the idea. Letting go of my past…and reducing my risk of more Basel cells…all the while looking better…win win win …

To be honest the Laser was a little…bothersome….annoying at times but nothing that hurt too much.. Nothing that Made me scream or cry…but I did flex my feet a few time…here and there…where the numbing didn’t take as well in certain places..regardless I was treated with kid clothes and it was a pure please to be in the brilliant hands of Dr. Cheryl Aber.

My mom took me home and we stayed here while we watched some TV and then Maria stopped by and my face became to calm down. In fact..I took Advil well I got home just to ease the tingling feeling on my face…and it was fine…a few hours after the procedure and I was feeling fine.

I have also started my Danette May Diet again. I went off the wagon and my body got soft for the last play and then I just kind of didn’t have the mojo to get back into high gear with my eating. little by little we slip…

But this treatment and the Danette May cleanse and all the projects I have coming up are coming at the right time…I am ready to begin again.. the solidification of all the work…the process at some point needs a form and that form it taking place…in my projects. in my upcoming play…in my endless possibilities of what a group of powerfully spiritual woman can do…if they just hang out together.see,

The other night I invited some women to gather…create a witches brew …and we did..it went really well…a coven of sorts that I have to say it was beyond thrilling to be part of…they said I was drunk..I say tipsy is what Susie on White wine is…and happy..

I enjoyed introducing these women to each other and I enjoyed the idea that they made new friends…that night..

Sending you and your loved ones a peeling off of past pains…a treatment that allows you a fresh start…a do over…I look forward to staying home and healing this week…down time is so needed right now.

Sending hugs and love again and again.

s

Dearest you how you help me
teach me how to calm to simplicity

When I forget and try to fly solo
I end up a jaguar on the grass crying POLO?

when again I remember you and its like yesterday
you don’t judge me for trying to walk away

I have no idea what goddess anointed your petals
but I am thankful of her wisdom to grease my hormonal pedals

I try and think it is only know I need you
but if I had I known you were my mom’s “go to”
I would have used you all the day from 13 till Pluto

I hope the side affects are lovely and kind
like bumble b visits that leave honey behind.

The brain can’t hold apposing ideas for two long…it will cause madness…So one must choose…but choosing…that is my nemesis…I have to be pushed up to a wall and threatened to make some choices …being decisive…isn’t my bag baby

So this…this choice on how to move forward

SO, there is a health thing going on in the family again. It is brings back memories of my dad ( old emails literally popped up about him being dead…condolence emails and me canceling appointments because of it.) and it is causing me to take stronger steps to become a vegan.

I think having a friend here to talk to Steve and I about the steps to take was great. Her passion is plant based eating so she was wonderful to get a ton of advice from. Steve and I were fine…we talked through it and were in agreement that we are giving up Dairy and meat. I know that my eating is really laxed lately…And I have been feeling sluggish even though I drink coffee

I think my adrenal glands need some TLC and I am interested in seeing what going vegan feels like.

Tomorrow will be the first day it is Feb 7th. I am going to explore being vegan …I am going to commit to it in softness…not in aggressiveness…. I made it my Yoga intention today….and so we shall see…what a few months of this new way of eating brings me….

right now, I feel heavy and sluggish and so I hope it helps me.
S

Acting is an emotional sport. It is high risk and injury can be unseen…like concussions in football…there are side effects maybe invisible to the naked eye.

This is something that I hope people will consider and like football concessions, emotional concessions can be reduced or prevented if the actors use protection

First the actor playing the role. Any role. Needs to understand if they are an empath. If they are they need to handle themselves with care…and tried softly.

If they double down in pain for example by using their own personal pain the traumas will mesh and become one. Trying to undo that will be very difficult after the job is over.

If they don’t use their own pain. The question is will they still be able to act? Yes, Yes, you can imagine pain and in that replicate a version of it…it will actually be a fuller version because your perspective can actually hinder it jam it up and make it more of a choppy recall…image a bad replica

By using your imagination and having you yourself a desire to not hold pain…your work will be inspired and universal in so many ways…. new ways.

If you don’t use you own pain but you Chanel it I still believe you must in both cases take DOWN TIME…especially if you are an empath…I am sure most actors have a hard time saying NO to work but like a concussion. Getting out a role you spent weeks getting into is something to consider and I wish there was a way to bring this practice to the actors and the rest of the world that was affordable.

Letting go of Story, Ego, Character is something I have found very valuable…it is humbling to the tenth degree and has allowed me to be more emotionally stable and see my true self and not just pretend version of me who were created through characters I was playing.

I spent years searching for an authentic self and I have met her and all her shades and I love each and every corner of her soul’s rainbow…

I hope one day acting schools will offer a class called Getting out of Character and that the actors will be aware that playing a tough role will require post rehab and recovery and they will get it.

As I said at the top. Acting is an emotional game…it is important that actors are healed creatives and help spread kinder messages…as they are the one that can talk out loud…one day…I hope they will speak their own LOVING and INCLUSIVE words…

You set up a story…always…hang around people who remind you of your old stories and they will start to take root. I have noticed this…recently…a realist is among me and it is pulling me…back….

I claim I need help…I need assistance…I tend to get it…and thank people
but it happens that…. I get pulled into them…their reality and in order to keep in my current I fight and they bark and the honeymoon is over.

but reality is helpful too…grounds me…

One of my classes had a passionate person and a sad person

I wanted to see if the sad person could steal some passion but the sadness was too strong. Too much and jammed the passionate person and he became concerned and in that concern for another…empathy – he lost HIS….HIs…wave…and the frequency dropped…he became sad too.

so hard to stay high amongst low…

emotions are like drowning…people can pull you down and they will if you can’t hold your own….

I am seeing that I need to fly solo for a while…. need quiet time with myself…I silence myself for Thursday and Friday…

things and images, I go to for levity… are of no avail. This is when my class my method is tested… I make up my story. What is MY future self. I see her…skipping through the cobbled streets…. .I build my own story…I believe what I need to…I can’t be explaining it to anyone….rather living it…and although people helping is nice…and I need it…I have to space it out and not get sooooooooo sucked into other people’s energies…they may be amazing but they are not mine and in the end I have to SURF my own wave.

one board…one wave at a time and the wind…I can feel the wind at my back…a smile and a realization that I will be wonderful…just keep myself on my own journey…as long as I can… and then in paddling out for my next. adventure. I don’t give up my perfect wave…I don’t get too entrenched in other people’s shit…I don’t lose time worrying if they are in line…just take care of YOU my Susie and be SELFISH.

I am

I woke up wanting to toss the whole idea. the class the space the everyone I have met the past tow years…I…I wanted to ….and before the thought hooked be a swept my legs to the side of the bed and began my mediation and crystal blue color allured between my hands and the thought
I accept the fact that I AM became my tapping sequence..it resolved with
an understanding of owning WHO I AM.

I painted my body with this turquoise irradesnce energy…mostly my eyelids and I protected mySELF…my body that moves through this world..that takes lunges as a secondary form of communication …and writing as a third….

I walked into the home heart and scooted my youngest creative soul off to school and began to clean and organize and have my morning JO and then I checked my phone.

Three text already

1) the owner of the space I used for my ART BASEL SHOW in 2014 offer me a standing 1st Monday of the month space
2) she also asked to begin the used of a immersive play I have had in my head for decades.
3) my other friend reminded me of our bar class this morning and writing session for her TV show
4) I was invited to a party.

Not too many people came to my class…but for the originals…people who will maybe one day be practitioners of the class…becasue they have been training with me for years and have returned to the fire over and over…

G was there but decided to record the class…and in that I believe sh saw ad felt what I as doing the work I am interested in and was willing to lend her skills to the conversation..

This was good…too good…becasue wake wanting to toss it all…becasue why?

Because the minute I take this recurring date for my class..the minute I have that meeting about a play …I die…susie that I know…the one typing this will die…because this

I am alone…no one understand me…I’ll try again next lifetime…well..she won’t exist it I take this meeting and the TRUST…the trust issues…they die and I that A part of me…the skiing leaves on a tree part of me that convinces herself the and is blowing and everything is normal…will die and all that shaking…all that shaking….will rattle and break through to another version of this goddess I am becoming….SHIVA… on the pole in my home…I the kitchen… and I don’t have to be anything else or slow down or clam down…or center..I am center….and those that are around me are shaking too and about to break through with me….as it take several entrance points to FAZE into a New reality… and I AM

I AM HERE….