Category: Kitchen

Kitchen

Acting Enough-

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The other day I went cra cra bc Steve thought a yoga certification would be good for me…I went CRAZY-

The why–that usually comes weeks later…the why is because THIS ME- doesn’t want a safety net-

I have followed WISE advise like this…from the start- from my 20s…got my fitness certification as soon as I arrived in New York to help me be an actor…then I got a gig at a bar as a cigar girl as a cocktail waitress…personal trainer…to help me be an actor and then I temped and then pole dancing teacher then event coordinator and then bibbitec inventor and then mom and then teacher AGAIN and then and then…ALL of these…so I could ACT. Because as we are told…ACTING won’t pay the bills or rather acting isn’t ENOUGH.

Funny thing is though…as a scientist who usually tests ideas out…I bought this SAFETY NET one hook line and sinker…and at this moment in time..-the yoga certification moment- when the idea of splicing myself yet again was suggested the true part of me I have recently reintroduced as my captain..my younger self…my authentic self…who I have fired to rule my direction aggressively went after the YOGA concept and chopped it up into pieces then ate it then pooped it out then loved it then said ” we can go that way but I choose NOT TO!”…I choose to stay the course with acting THIS TIME…this pause in acting work is not a pause it is a RECOVERY till my next ACTING job…and here is what happened since ..I fully committed myself to it for perhaps the first time in ever….

I was cast twice in two plays that with dove tail each other. I was recruited into a sketch comedy crew…I united some goddess woman who will be brining my one woman show to Edinburgh -I shot a commercial- I was requested twice for films I can’t do- I was offered to be part of a healing retreat for actors. and you see. in this experiment, I proved this….

Acting is enough…if you let it be…and my loves so are you…if you allow it….if you love it fully from every angle.

MIND the pauses…bc pause…that happens after shows and gigs is when the rational mind…aka Steve…suggests something stable…something more in line with the NORM…something to elevate the pain of coming off of things…of letting go..a buffer…I have learned to honor that time- play reconnect and reset….

SIDE NOTE: all the things I did to allow me to ACT actually informed me and made me the actor I am today -so I guess in the end…timing…my dear loves…TIMING is everything!
BUT one must remember when the need for an assist is gone and the time to break through is upon you. When your authentic self is done practicing and ready to MAKE IT!

I LOVE YOU…all of you….even if I never met you even if we don’t get along…regardless. We are united in love and that part of us is universally and forever in love with each other.

S

Susie K Taylor.
Photo credit
Alisa Rauner Photography

Kitchen

Ode to Evening Primrose

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Dearest you how you help me
teach me how to calm to simplicity

When I forget and try to fly solo
I end up a jaguar on the grass crying POLO?

when again I remember you and its like yesterday
you don’t judge me for trying to walk away

I have no idea what goddess anointed your petals
but I am thankful of her wisdom to grease my hormonal pedals

I try and think it is only know I need you
but if I had I known you were my mom’s “go to”
I would have used you all the day from 13 till Pluto

I hope the side affects are lovely and kind
like bumble b visits that leave honey behind.

Kitchen

The ritual of acting and why everyone should study it!

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Acting…it is about saying and believing something over and over again.
It is about allowing a thought to delve into your subconscience.

If you watch the film HEAL on Netflix one of the main ingredients in a person getting better is their belief that they are.

This imagination skill is something actors train in. They are constantly tweaking and learning how to not only get into a thought process but to let out a thought process.

Maybe the letting out isn’t as widely spoken about but I remember hearing a chat on the BROADWAY station with seth Rudetsky.  Seth Rudetsky was sharing openly about how after one of his first shows was over…he got depressed. He actually talks a lot about the emotional pains/strength of acting and rejection and the setting yourself up and the letdown.

So there in this muscle that actors have developed. Like the way you tear a muscle to make it strong.. Actors have a strong Empathy muscle…they love hard and they leave hard because that is the only way you can survive in their business. The ones that don’t let go…..they leave one way or another.

It isn’t pretty…it isn’t nice. Lots of tears usually…Even nice roles that make you feel amazing have to be left…or in the end you have left yourself instead. * I have found nicer roles are easier to say goodbye to because they leave a reminder of how sweet life is.

A cousin I have has a friend in the Sponge Bob show and mentioned how his friend has never been happier in his a life.… Thoughts have power. It is proven. However… so do other people’s thoughts…give yourself 7 times seeing a mc D commercial and eventually you think you want to buy a Cheeseburger …your mind thinks …”if I don’t believe this or want this why am I seeing hearing…thinking about it?” …your psyche doesn’t understand why you’d have these thoughts if you didn’t believe them….and that my loves is the wild part of ciphering you from them.

And back to how acting helps with this…

Some people say I play myself…but I have found that isn’t true… you play a character and you use yourself to get to that character but at some point ..if you go there…that character will start to drive your car…a little more in rehearsal each day and it is like smoke…little by little and eventually it is opening night.. and your character, you HOPE, has arrived with all the support and love you can give it… So you play the role with all you have…and eventually the show ends. the story ends…

Like any guest in your home. How do you ask them to leave? If you assume they just will…they won’t. Especially if you keep accommodating them…if you force them out…they’ll keep a key and one unsuspecting day out of vengeance or pure fancy…they’ll use that key and break in to you “home” and do some damage…HOWEVER…I have learned in life and in acting the way you setup the VISIT and the way you say GOODBYE..is everything…If you sit with them…ask them to let you know what they need to move on…ask them for your keys….hug them…and thank them…they will exit. Then the sadness of goodbye will set in and as long as you allow this to process through…this sadness of saying goodbye to a friend an experience…as long as you allow your sadness to have its time in the sun…you will move along with love and light and your next role… you next adventure will arrive to greet you …not layers of other people and roles you pretended so well to be.

I wish you all the power of good-byes with love. As they will offer you more hellos with love..

Susie

Kitchen

Two contradicting Ideas…

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The brain can’t hold apposing ideas for two long…it will cause madness…So one must choose…but choosing…that is my nemesis…I have to be pushed up to a wall and threatened to make some choices …being decisive…isn’t my bag baby

So this…this choice on how to move forward

Kitchen

Going Vegan

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SO, there is a health thing going on in the family again. It is brings back memories of my dad ( old emails literally popped up about him being dead…condolence emails and me canceling appointments because of it.) and it is causing me to take stronger steps to become a vegan.

I think having a friend here to talk to Steve and I about the steps to take was great. Her passion is plant based eating so she was wonderful to get a ton of advice from. Steve and I were fine…we talked through it and were in agreement that we are giving up Dairy and meat. I know that my eating is really laxed lately…And I have been feeling sluggish even though I drink coffee

I think my adrenal glands need some TLC and I am interested in seeing what going vegan feels like.

Tomorrow will be the first day it is Feb 7th. I am going to explore being vegan …I am going to commit to it in softness…not in aggressiveness…. I made it my Yoga intention today….and so we shall see…what a few months of this new way of eating brings me….

right now, I feel heavy and sluggish and so I hope it helps me.
S

Kitchen

Why Actors Need Recovery

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Acting is an emotional sport. It is high risk and injury can be unseen…like concussions in football…there are side effects maybe invisible to the naked eye.

This is something that I hope people will consider and like football concessions, emotional concessions can be reduced or prevented if the actors use protection

First the actor playing the role. Any role. Needs to understand if they are an empath. If they are they need to handle themselves with care…and tried softly.

If they double down in pain for example by using their own personal pain the traumas will mesh and become one. Trying to undo that will be very difficult after the job is over.

If they don’t use their own pain. The question is will they still be able to act? Yes, Yes, you can imagine pain and in that replicate a version of it…it will actually be a fuller version because your perspective can actually hinder it jam it up and make it more of a choppy recall…image a bad replica

By using your imagination and having you yourself a desire to not hold pain…your work will be inspired and universal in so many ways…. new ways.

If you don’t use you own pain but you Chanel it I still believe you must in both cases take DOWN TIME…especially if you are an empath…I am sure most actors have a hard time saying NO to work but like a concussion. Getting out a role you spent weeks getting into is something to consider and I wish there was a way to bring this practice to the actors and the rest of the world that was affordable.

Letting go of Story, Ego, Character is something I have found very valuable…it is humbling to the tenth degree and has allowed me to be more emotionally stable and see my true self and not just pretend version of me who were created through characters I was playing.

I spent years searching for an authentic self and I have met her and all her shades and I love each and every corner of her soul’s rainbow…

I hope one day acting schools will offer a class called Getting out of Character and that the actors will be aware that playing a tough role will require post rehab and recovery and they will get it.

As I said at the top. Acting is an emotional game…it is important that actors are healed creatives and help spread kinder messages…as they are the one that can talk out loud…one day…I hope they will speak their own LOVING and INCLUSIVE words…

Kitchen

emotional PLAY

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You set up a story…always…hang around people who remind you of your old stories and they will start to take root. I have noticed this…recently…a realist is among me and it is pulling me…back….

I claim I need help…I need assistance…I tend to get it…and thank people
but it happens that…. I get pulled into them…their reality and in order to keep in my current I fight and they bark and the honeymoon is over.

but reality is helpful too…grounds me…

One of my classes had a passionate person and a sad person

I wanted to see if the sad person could steal some passion but the sadness was too strong. Too much and jammed the passionate person and he became concerned and in that concern for another…empathy – he lost HIS….HIs…wave…and the frequency dropped…he became sad too.

so hard to stay high amongst low…

emotions are like drowning…people can pull you down and they will if you can’t hold your own….

I am seeing that I need to fly solo for a while…. need quiet time with myself…I silence myself for Thursday and Friday…

things and images, I go to for levity… are of no avail. This is when my class my method is tested… I make up my story. What is MY future self. I see her…skipping through the cobbled streets…. .I build my own story…I believe what I need to…I can’t be explaining it to anyone….rather living it…and although people helping is nice…and I need it…I have to space it out and not get sooooooooo sucked into other people’s energies…they may be amazing but they are not mine and in the end I have to SURF my own wave.

one board…one wave at a time and the wind…I can feel the wind at my back…a smile and a realization that I will be wonderful…just keep myself on my own journey…as long as I can… and then in paddling out for my next. adventure. I don’t give up my perfect wave…I don’t get too entrenched in other people’s shit…I don’t lose time worrying if they are in line…just take care of YOU my Susie and be SELFISH.

I am

Kitchen

The Creative Shelter has a home

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I woke up wanting to toss the whole idea. the class the space the everyone I have met the past tow years…I…I wanted to ….and before the thought hooked be a swept my legs to the side of the bed and began my mediation and crystal blue color allured between my hands and the thought
I accept the fact that I AM became my tapping sequence..it resolved with
an understanding of owning WHO I AM.

I painted my body with this turquoise irradesnce energy…mostly my eyelids and I protected mySELF…my body that moves through this world..that takes lunges as a secondary form of communication …and writing as a third….

I walked into the home heart and scooted my youngest creative soul off to school and began to clean and organize and have my morning JO and then I checked my phone.

Three text already

1) the owner of the space I used for my ART BASEL SHOW in 2014 offer me a standing 1st Monday of the month space
2) she also asked to begin the used of a immersive play I have had in my head for decades.
3) my other friend reminded me of our bar class this morning and writing session for her TV show
4) I was invited to a party.

Not too many people came to my class…but for the originals…people who will maybe one day be practitioners of the class…becasue they have been training with me for years and have returned to the fire over and over…

G was there but decided to record the class…and in that I believe sh saw ad felt what I as doing the work I am interested in and was willing to lend her skills to the conversation..

This was good…too good…becasue wake wanting to toss it all…becasue why?

Because the minute I take this recurring date for my class..the minute I have that meeting about a play …I die…susie that I know…the one typing this will die…because this

I am alone…no one understand me…I’ll try again next lifetime…well..she won’t exist it I take this meeting and the TRUST…the trust issues…they die and I that A part of me…the skiing leaves on a tree part of me that convinces herself the and is blowing and everything is normal…will die and all that shaking…all that shaking….will rattle and break through to another version of this goddess I am becoming….SHIVA… on the pole in my home…I the kitchen… and I don’t have to be anything else or slow down or clam down…or center..I am center….and those that are around me are shaking too and about to break through with me….as it take several entrance points to FAZE into a New reality… and I AM

I AM HERE….

Kitchen

when your family talks

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we had a talk about things today. My family…at the table…and it was great..we discusses THINGS in a clam loving intense way…We talked about feeling we had…

Steve and I have already said all our things years ago…shattered things…years ago and so this talk…this resetting….some seven years later and we are right back at the beginning…dealing with life…..because it is showing it’s time table again.

bucket list time…on the slow and steady….on the calm …on the less then….as long as that is possible…as though that is possible…

to slow myself down…to focus myself…I am a twirling top…I plant my seeds in circles but the consistency is that I return to the scene of the crime over and over.

I am wondering just how amazing the play I will be performing is going to be. I have entrusted my dearest creative comrade with writing…I am beyond sure it is going to be her platform that she has been gathering pieces for.

I am still madly in love with my life..all of them…I was beyond thrilled that we were able to sit around a table and talk…then we went to lunch and then they went to the park and played with the dogs and life….life seems to be back on the mixer…blenders are in and although the Moter might burn out again…just give it a second..

NOTE;
my victims broke- I broke it by turning it on with the lid inside…and the Moter was smelling and I called in to vitamin…old school and my container was $149 but reduced to $99…nd then my Moter was STILL under warranty and they are fixing it .
Mason just made cookies and my grandmothers mixer and the batter was too thick and the Moter started to burn out.

Mixing takes time…mixing takes time…and some times….we burn out in the process but..
Tomorrow – which mason says arrives even if we don’t may prove the Moter had persistence…

Note 2 Happy my sister and mom are reunited…in their special way…again…and my inheritance which is love and family…is flowing….on all levels.

Kitchen

C

By

My family is Close…we aren’t angry close or hostile close we are just close enough…close enough..but not tight tight…not too tight…but Close…

So
I am going vegetarian…I am thinking I love salads and don’t love meat…I am thinking I have another thing I have to remove from the sun goddess days and that since I con’t do much about the sun but to get myself a hat I will wear 24/7 then I best control what I can- my food..I choose vegetables…and I feel it may stick this time..reduce sugar….we all know that story…
oy Free Radical!

I am tired..I have to go to sleep…the house is tired….from the news all the news..too much news…but thank you science who can both find the issues and then offer Cures…

What happened back then..without science….we didn’t know…we let it slide…we just lived life each day until we couldn’t…

I choose a little sleep… a roller blade on the beach a hug from my loved ones and smiles soft kind loving smiles that no matter what life is not long enough…my father and all those above him are gone….gone from this earth but absorbed in my children I hear them I tug with them…we are our lineage because we are our lineage…a soul is not separate from the blood it is born in…it is born in the blood that will build it and that has been passed down and down… your soul…belongs to your body…could only exist in your body….to function…to have a say…it has to have a host…A soul’s host….that is you…

Blood line is the line of your family their spirits this mission their love…again and again I find myself repeating them…and this piano…this piano I wish I could play..I wish I could enjoy more…always wished that…even when I was young enough to remember how…it was never enough… you can’t enjoy enough ever…because this game is a relay a baton toss and that toss from the dead to the living it happens fast and we stumble we struggles and it is time that wins…turns that send us….tripping …forgetting this is not your baton at all…you pick it up when you dropped it when it was PASSED to you..you forgot it came from someone….you created nothing… you are just finishing or trying to finish a thought…that is all you have…a thought…that was passed to you to try and figure out…explore…teach…share…etc…etc…etc..

C for all that you have done and do …you mostly teach… and we…have to …when our time comes….choose how to handle it all…I choose calm and yoga ..and teaching ….and creating…and loving…double down in LOVE.