Category: Kitchen

Kitchen

ABUNDANCY……..through acting

By

If my frequency is able to affect change then if I am performing and people are being affected I want to use that opportunity to creat a loving change with people.

Playing Mrs. Wade was exactly that. I played a lovely character that seemed to garner a great deal of love from those that met her. People mostly left my room adoring her and themselves and with smiles on their faces.

I enjoyed this role to the utmost…I missed her from Monday through Thursday afternoon and was happily surprised and delighted when she returned to me on Thursday night…as I played the music PERHAPS PERHAPS PERHAPS and did my hair and makeup.

From now on I want to create these characters…new and kind and loving work and that send messages of empathy and love out into the world and abundance…
I want Mrs. Wade and all those that love her to move forward in kindness and grace and fiercely create their future that is only able to be the only outcome in the block buster movie of all time….YOUR LIFE

HIGH FREQUENCY ACTING…not low frequency acting..

So seeing things as they are without attachment or angst…and being free from it all to become and fulfill my wildest dreams….that will catapult me to my future successful acting career that is sustainable and plentiful and kind and loving —-abundant….

Kitchen

2019 —–CLEAN and KIND

By

last night I had what I can only describe as a near death experience…it was not intentional but it was also very much my fault…I take responsibly for it and in that I own it and don’t need to be punished.FREEDOM.

Last night a part of me died…DEVON…I believe…the punisher…the part of me that judges and scores and expects to be treated in the same way but after I came back to earth last night and realized that my two boys and my husband are everything to me and who I was most sad to leave when I thought I was dying but still honored to have shared this life with them…they were just happy I was ok…they NEVER punished me….even though it was a pretty silly thing to do.

I see that nothing NO THING matters to me more than love…true pure love and that is why DEVON is most likely truly gone…she hold on to the dark side and that…my loves is a place I have been long enough…we all have.

Last night I was saying goodbye to my husband and kids and it hurt but the truth was I believe that I was saying goodbye to my daughter role that was aligned to my father…that was punished and autrocized when I did something terrible..the marriage to Tim…holding a stolen n BOB’s Baracade LIGHT

When I told my mom today about last night she cried..she didn’t get mad or yell at me…and this was true for my husband and my children…I don’t have a punishing home anymore…I don’t want to be a punishing person…I am done…the opposite then is the APPRECIATOR….

I am going to simply appreciate people and life and gifts and opportunities for what they are and nothing more…

I auditioned for Venessa Garcia and Victoria Collido at the Miami Light Project and it was more of a meet and greet for me…of what I am and who I am about…and in that was it wasn’t even an audition..in-fact I am going to think of my next audition like that…as just a meeting.
Not other career makes you perform at the table …they get to know you. and the that is what I am great at…letting them get to know…me…and that is what I will lead with…

Kitchen

hello….kind person

By

I have spent the last two days with very kind people…people I am honored to know and cherish because I believe I can finally understand what being sweet means…what is feels like to be around sweet people and be seen as sweetness.

If you are surrounded by people who are working on a different energy source or desire then you will always wonder why you aren’t heard or always mistreated..

Perhaps you need time to see yourself more clearly and then from there decide who it is you want to reflect back to you…because a clear reflection is a kind world and a beautiful and loving world..

Stay in that energy and plant your seeds water them and sing to them and see what grows…every garden will offer you something…be sure you have planted truly what you want and the you have taken the time to tend to it..

Harvesting you joys is where I am at…receiving all the work of resting my circle and being around a vibration I can receive and that I can be heard in …It is subtle and no one may even know all the adjusting I have done but to me I have
turned inside out and zippered myself in and examined my stitches and now I have unzipped and turned myself back out into the world with my holes fixed and my zipper working and my awareness of what I am and what I am not…at my core has allowed me to be kinder to myself and to others.

Know thyself…and love her regardless…..for she is all of you and you are beyond a miracle of joy and have the ability to tend to a soul at any moment if you like.

S

Kitchen

Actors choose your roles….kindly

By

The roles you choose for the stage or for your life will become you. Choose kindly.

Just because you CAN play a role doesn’t mean you need to or have to or should.

Just because a story wants to be told doesn’t mean you need to be the one to tell it or that the story NEEDS to behold AGAIN and AGAIN.

Perpetuating pain..in your body in your life and in or society is our latest craze and you as an artist can choose another version another ending another resolution for your career and for your part in creating it or recreating it.

Kitchen

Devon….it is time to go.

By

I get these moods. You can call them that…during my period and I am not of this world…I am foreign to myself and an unwelcome visitor to my family. I claim it is PMS that brings her but recently she arrives after that period and hangs out like a gate keeper…She is annoyed she is late and plots endlessly to insure we don’t soon forget her.

She’s been here becasue I haven’t been dancing with her of late…no studio to escape to…I fear..

Devon has very scrappy hair and runs around with long tie dyed draw string pants and usually no shirt…Devon is 8 – she has no boobies at all and no shoes and she caries two knives…

I think she arrived on my 5th Birthday when my sister told me I wasn’t allowed to play in my own game at my own party becasue I wanted to choose my water balloon toss partner – and I didn’t want my sister to choose for me.

She was in charge of the carnival games my family had put together- I guess or she acted like she was. And under the big tree out back while they were all playing catch…with the water balloons to an egg race with plastic spoons…something where a partner was needed…

She made me sit out of the game all together and in that moment DEVON was born..they say people get their split personalities from trauma…this wasn’t a trauma – this was a totally BS situation that I was forced to deal with bc my older sister said so…I remember..and so maybe Devon is really 5 for all time and she arrives NOT during my period but whenever I feel I am not getting my way. Whenever I am being bullied. When I am adjusting or accommodating and it is during my Period that I can’t control her..I can’t shut her up or console her and let her know it is all going to be OK.

Devon wants to be 5 years old forever…not sure why..she had no power then and she has no real power now but to drives me crazy and forces me to follow the truth.

Oh, there is is…Devon is my truth slayer…not too many people like Devon very much…thus me..but I suppose I’ll have to keep her…I was considering sending her off and making a ceremony of it…but…will that mean I am no longer truthful? I fear that may be true. But truth is dependent on the beholder.

Devon—she wants me to get Botox and look HER age but I am trying to explain that isn’t necessary to be HEARD. and she is challenging me but..I win out. The Older Devon. With her crazy hair pulled back and cream on her face to help with wrinkles says NO…not again…been there done that and that will be a lie for ME…this self…so we have to pass..we have to find another way to have great skin and not resort to Botox toxins…

Devon is pondering it…she is walking back and forth on the back yard with her pocket knifes on the ready and shaking her head …she is talking to herself too…to who is she talking to I wonder…To her older self I suppose…to me…

I’ll listen and let her speak her mind and then we will sit outside and check out the stars together and know we are sleeping under the same ones only a blink away.

Night Night Devon….

XO s

Kitchen

hello…Luxury Marriage

By

sitting at home with NOTHING to do…a luxury…for sure….a difficult thing for me to accept about my life..that I have this luxury….but the reading of a review of “The Marvelous Mrs. Mazel” has awoken me to the fact that I have been able to create a life of luxury.

What is luxury to me…the ability to do my art, love my family, be a good friend and not feel the need to save the world.

Luxury…that lacking of desperation…lacking of feeling that I have to change the world in ways beyond my means…that I have to harbor other people and pay for their rent or help someone through their emotional issues or save anyone…that luxury that perhaps I am not meant to HELP anymore has released me from a great deal of suffering.

I have chosen to rather LOVE…to be myself to people…to offer honesty in response to pain and to hold them…or allow them to hold me…I have stopped placing myself in places that cause me anxiety.

I have done this gracefully and I have done this kindly and I feel it is fair. It is what is best for me and in the end for others. I am not a huge extrovert. I like to be around people but not fully engaged at all times with them…I am quiet among them now and I am calmer among them now and in that I feel safer….I don’t put my entire self on the table but I place parts of myself..my real self that I am willing to share..up there.

I have been playing the role of Mrs. Keith Wade.in a play…#miamiMotelStories MIMO..A woman who is stuck in a Marriage that is providing enough stability for her but not enough passion or freedom. The juxtaposition against my own life makes me see how much I have molded my marriage and my life into the LUXURY LIFESTYLE I dreamed about.

Things come to me…are offered to me and I accept them…I am not pushy or aggressive and I find it much kinder…my life..

I awake up to a dream- it was about a table I placed outside to get rid of..and wanted to get rid of…somehow it was back in the house…representing old habits I think and I woke up a bit insecure about things and I called Steve who had already been up and out taking Jaedon to school and I spoke to him about it..but really it was not back in the house…it was still outside …so why the call…why give energy to those dreams at all? Perhaps I think they are warnings…so I talk them through…see what they feel like and in the end I think…

All is well…I am home…safe and sound…my lovely husband is at work in a career he adores and is doing well at…I am keeping my children in my heart and letting them be free and allowing them time with their family despite time away for me…I am offering them the same freedom they have allowed me during this process of the show and it is amazing…

Being satiated by the work I am doing in this play..building a loving character I am joyful to perform…having chosen that role and not accepted an angry one I am being kind to myself…to my journey to my empathetic molecules….and having respect for my character and letting her NOT invade my life because the holes that she could have come through as I said…in my past POSTS are filled are healed and my marriage is indeed at a different level…A Luxury Marriage for sure.

Kitchen

good bye….cross fit ISH

By

Several years ago I remember seeing the whole cross fit craze hit and I say how so many women began to become buff and I was soooooo against it. I remembered a time that I had become that and was sad t the femininity of the world morphing into masculinity…softness was gone.

But I decided not to be extremist and so I tried it out eventually and after about three months I too was fully addicted. I too wanted to lift these weights as big as possible.

I remember waiting before a lift and thinking…I am going down the rabbit hole…I left I went to a less cross fit place and then ended up trough several years again back at another gym…that was based on cross fit.

I started playing this new role and she was NOT happy with the workout.being from 1957….the music was vulgar ….the vibe…she wanted something nicer and so I left the gym that my family goes to together and I returned to roller blading and yoga and pole dancing in my house and ankle weights…

I feel lighter…and I am able to do a head stand because I found my small very deep ab muscles that since this CROSS FIT stuff I have not been able to get my mind on…but since I stopped the training of major muscles and began to focus on the minor ones I had the space the quietness to find them…

I can literally lift my legs together over my head and straight into a head stand….those little muscles are being called to action and I am thinking that my posture and my belly will be better for it.

TIME will tell..

Kitchen

Hello …..creativity fatigue

By

I am in a play. My play runs for four weekends…Thursday through Sunday and we run our small pieces about 7-9 times a night.
Come Monday I am exhausted…my mind is at peace and my body is relaxed and I have no desire to try and create DRAMA.
Fulfilling my creativity desire has been a very healing thing for me.
I am not teaching at all right now- keeping my thoughts and feeling about the world to myself…not prophesying…or trying to affect change and just focusing on my work..my character and it is peaceful.

I spend the days like most spoiled Jewish girls wish they could….at one spa or another working out and lounging and recuperating…I am not in any way trying to change the world. I am relaxed and content and as the world is falling around me I figure I can focus on my kids and my family and my art and in the end…know that they had my last bit of attention before the world dissolved…isn’t that the way to be at the end of the world? do what your truly love?

I am enjoying this somewhat irresponsible role.
Not creating huge things but being part of them- not getting angry at the way things turned out but accepting them…not being an activist but more a non active pacifist…it is calm and DRAMA funnily enough has little room in this reality..

I enjoy it and I am waiting….waiting for the inspiration to knock on my front door. I am learning to wait…not to push or force things in my creating and let it seep…let it slip in…let the universe come to my door again..as it always has.
I am not anxious or angry…I hear nasty thoughts in my head that are not my kindest and I council them and I open the door and I let them out.

Being quiet is a clearing for me..it allows me to hear my self…ALL of my selves and it is kind and being alone…I can take the time to tend to them and hear what they want. I can listen to my selves….
I am still a little on Instagram and on Facebook…But that will always ebb and flow.

Kitchen

Born In Bliss! Built in Truth! Executed Consciously! bibbitec

By

A million and one years ago I wanted to start a YOU TUBE channel- A way to communicate to people without a buffer but I wanted to make sure what I was saying would not cause more pain in the world.

I have worked very long and hard at getting myself in a place where I believe I am bibbitec.
I am born in Bliss
I am Built in Truth
and
I am Executing Consciously.

It took me about 5 years of really focused work to undue my wiring and today…as part of the NEW MOONYINESS I received my Circle LIGHT in the mail and for some reason I am ready. I woke up and started typing about it and then the egg ALMARM and then the UPS with the LIGHT delivery simultaneously on the exact same minute…

I am cleared- I hear other people’s thoughts… and they are not mine…
I am not them…I have to let those go after visits and know that I have admitted that I am free…to move on.
I am thankful for my inspiration and even more thankful for my family and my husband and my children who supported me as I walked back into my true self.

NOTE—-

I was looking for someone to tell me why I shouldn’t do botox and in the end I realized it was me that had to be that voice and the voice to so000 many more…concepts that need conversation.

I am going to interview the people of the theater at some point so I will need microphones so exciting..

Susie