Author: Susie Taylor

You set up a story…always…hang around people who remind you of your old stories and they will start to take root. I have noticed this…recently…a realist is among me and it is pulling me…back….

I claim I need help…I need assistance…I tend to get it…and thank people
but it happens that…. I get pulled into them…their reality and in order to keep in my current I fight and they bark and the honeymoon is over.

but reality is helpful too…grounds me…

One of my classes had a passionate person and a sad person

I wanted to see if the sad person could steal some passion but the sadness was too strong. Too much and jammed the passionate person and he became concerned and in that concern for another…empathy – he lost HIS….HIs…wave…and the frequency dropped…he became sad too.

so hard to stay high amongst low…

emotions are like drowning…people can pull you down and they will if you can’t hold your own….

I am seeing that I need to fly solo for a while…. need quiet time with myself…I silence myself for Thursday and Friday…

things and images, I go to for levity… are of no avail. This is when my class my method is tested… I make up my story. What is MY future self. I see her…skipping through the cobbled streets…. .I build my own story…I believe what I need to…I can’t be explaining it to anyone….rather living it…and although people helping is nice…and I need it…I have to space it out and not get sooooooooo sucked into other people’s energies…they may be amazing but they are not mine and in the end I have to SURF my own wave.

one board…one wave at a time and the wind…I can feel the wind at my back…a smile and a realization that I will be wonderful…just keep myself on my own journey…as long as I can… and then in paddling out for my next. adventure. I don’t give up my perfect wave…I don’t get too entrenched in other people’s shit…I don’t lose time worrying if they are in line…just take care of YOU my Susie and be SELFISH.

I am

I woke up wanting to toss the whole idea. the class the space the everyone I have met the past tow years…I…I wanted to ….and before the thought hooked be a swept my legs to the side of the bed and began my mediation and crystal blue color allured between my hands and the thought
I accept the fact that I AM became my tapping sequence..it resolved with
an understanding of owning WHO I AM.

I painted my body with this turquoise irradesnce energy…mostly my eyelids and I protected mySELF…my body that moves through this world..that takes lunges as a secondary form of communication …and writing as a third….

I walked into the home heart and scooted my youngest creative soul off to school and began to clean and organize and have my morning JO and then I checked my phone.

Three text already

1) the owner of the space I used for my ART BASEL SHOW in 2014 offer me a standing 1st Monday of the month space
2) she also asked to begin the used of a immersive play I have had in my head for decades.
3) my other friend reminded me of our bar class this morning and writing session for her TV show
4) I was invited to a party.

Not too many people came to my class…but for the originals…people who will maybe one day be practitioners of the class…becasue they have been training with me for years and have returned to the fire over and over…

G was there but decided to record the class…and in that I believe sh saw ad felt what I as doing the work I am interested in and was willing to lend her skills to the conversation..

This was good…too good…becasue wake wanting to toss it all…becasue why?

Because the minute I take this recurring date for my class..the minute I have that meeting about a play …I die…susie that I know…the one typing this will die…because this

I am alone…no one understand me…I’ll try again next lifetime…well..she won’t exist it I take this meeting and the TRUST…the trust issues…they die and I that A part of me…the skiing leaves on a tree part of me that convinces herself the and is blowing and everything is normal…will die and all that shaking…all that shaking….will rattle and break through to another version of this goddess I am becoming….SHIVA… on the pole in my home…I the kitchen… and I don’t have to be anything else or slow down or clam down…or center..I am center….and those that are around me are shaking too and about to break through with me….as it take several entrance points to FAZE into a New reality… and I AM

I AM HERE….

we had a talk about things today. My family…at the table…and it was great..we discusses THINGS in a clam loving intense way…We talked about feeling we had…

Steve and I have already said all our things years ago…shattered things…years ago and so this talk…this resetting….some seven years later and we are right back at the beginning…dealing with life…..because it is showing it’s time table again.

bucket list time…on the slow and steady….on the calm …on the less then….as long as that is possible…as though that is possible…

to slow myself down…to focus myself…I am a twirling top…I plant my seeds in circles but the consistency is that I return to the scene of the crime over and over.

I am wondering just how amazing the play I will be performing is going to be. I have entrusted my dearest creative comrade with writing…I am beyond sure it is going to be her platform that she has been gathering pieces for.

I am still madly in love with my life..all of them…I was beyond thrilled that we were able to sit around a table and talk…then we went to lunch and then they went to the park and played with the dogs and life….life seems to be back on the mixer…blenders are in and although the Moter might burn out again…just give it a second..

NOTE;
my victims broke- I broke it by turning it on with the lid inside…and the Moter was smelling and I called in to vitamin…old school and my container was $149 but reduced to $99…nd then my Moter was STILL under warranty and they are fixing it .
Mason just made cookies and my grandmothers mixer and the batter was too thick and the Moter started to burn out.

Mixing takes time…mixing takes time…and some times….we burn out in the process but..
Tomorrow – which mason says arrives even if we don’t may prove the Moter had persistence…

Note 2 Happy my sister and mom are reunited…in their special way…again…and my inheritance which is love and family…is flowing….on all levels.

My family is Close…we aren’t angry close or hostile close we are just close enough…close enough..but not tight tight…not too tight…but Close…

So
I am going vegetarian…I am thinking I love salads and don’t love meat…I am thinking I have another thing I have to remove from the sun goddess days and that since I con’t do much about the sun but to get myself a hat I will wear 24/7 then I best control what I can- my food..I choose vegetables…and I feel it may stick this time..reduce sugar….we all know that story…
oy Free Radical!

I am tired..I have to go to sleep…the house is tired….from the news all the news..too much news…but thank you science who can both find the issues and then offer Cures…

What happened back then..without science….we didn’t know…we let it slide…we just lived life each day until we couldn’t…

I choose a little sleep… a roller blade on the beach a hug from my loved ones and smiles soft kind loving smiles that no matter what life is not long enough…my father and all those above him are gone….gone from this earth but absorbed in my children I hear them I tug with them…we are our lineage because we are our lineage…a soul is not separate from the blood it is born in…it is born in the blood that will build it and that has been passed down and down… your soul…belongs to your body…could only exist in your body….to function…to have a say…it has to have a host…A soul’s host….that is you…

Blood line is the line of your family their spirits this mission their love…again and again I find myself repeating them…and this piano…this piano I wish I could play..I wish I could enjoy more…always wished that…even when I was young enough to remember how…it was never enough… you can’t enjoy enough ever…because this game is a relay a baton toss and that toss from the dead to the living it happens fast and we stumble we struggles and it is time that wins…turns that send us….tripping …forgetting this is not your baton at all…you pick it up when you dropped it when it was PASSED to you..you forgot it came from someone….you created nothing… you are just finishing or trying to finish a thought…that is all you have…a thought…that was passed to you to try and figure out…explore…teach…share…etc…etc…etc..

C for all that you have done and do …you mostly teach… and we…have to …when our time comes….choose how to handle it all…I choose calm and yoga ..and teaching ….and creating…and loving…double down in LOVE.

Creating energy is sometimes about being still…spinning in circles and developing centrifugal force…around a pole…

My house has a pole..my back yard……when I need to beckon the gods I play on that pole..I don’t WORK the POLE I Play on the pole and like in life the way we approach things makes all the difference..

I have released the gym…I have begun to accept fluidity as strength both in my life and in my exercise…testing again

the form follows function formula

I am not ripped I am whole

I am no strong I an secure

I am not toned I am able

I am not a product but a process

I have to remember the limitedness of finite concepts…

I am flow and fluid and light and kindness

I am all things at all times and if you see be in a divisional way it is your loving glass not mine but I will help you adjust it if you wish…open your sense and view all of you…if you dare.

But that is only for the willing and the bravest butterflies…the ones who dream of touching their creatresses finger one day…and to feel equal…to her at the moment it happens..

Play on….

Something I have enjoyed lately is the idea that I am creating a piece of work that is entirely ME. As an actor or inventor I have always focused on something OTHER than myself…or at least had another shield up infont of me. This is not a class or a product or a character this…this show I am doing is entirely me.

TO be able to do this. TO want to do this. To desire to explore my own journey as a topic of conversation as through…as through…it means something to the world. has been a right of passage. I am not obliged or desperate I am graceful and kind.

A few women have told me that they are joining me in Edinburgh. It wasn’t a request or an ask. They have just informed me that they will be there. Is this how people create groups and collectives? Is this how moving organically happens?

I am curious…having never been so hyper aware of this type of movement in my life before..the “build it and they will come”…I’ll scratch that…with my other things people have always helped and I think it is ..that this thing…it not as a PROOF…it is more or a conversation that the energy about it all just seems less…aggressive for my side and perhaps yields less aggression on the other?? I don’t know…

I am enjoying enjoying…I walked 2 hours on the Bech today with my dearest darling Maria…we talked uplifting frequency things and implanted joyful bliss in our morning minds.

I believe it is important when we move to think and talk about love and kindness once you have healed your hurts of the past..

It is our right to be OK to be JOYFUL to be peaceful…it is our right…and while others may still need to fight the good fight I am not them…anymore..

peace love and joy….1960

to be nurtured is to be receiving…to be loved …is to take…to allow…welcome …learning to be nurtured is a skill…truly nurtured and it is vulnerable and kind and it needs empathy to one’s self to take it..to allow it to rush over you and calm you and when you give it to yourself…take the love you are offered and paint your body with it…you remind yourself that you are here for you and this soft energy…that can lead you….home.

being fake just means you are perpetuating the inevitable..it is true.
But to be true is to own it all – love it all a little more and be ok with OK..
Fake is a detour…a momentary fix that fixes nothing…just like any addiction the addition to FAKE can often become toxic and eventually the body will have to revolt…fake breasts are causing illness and eventually I am sure fake smooth foreheads will be known to cause issues too…give it time..
there is always a price to pay for FAKE…the body is a temple and when you fuck with it..it lets you know one way or another…girls an boys…young lives…Be real ASAP…stay real as long as you can…a minute…then two..then three…in a few years you’s spend days in the REALNESS….or at least try to…that is my aim…a little more real every day…makes Susie a nice soul.

If I started writing today what I found out about life over the past 44 years I could stop right now. Love.

In the end it is all about this four letter word we say less than other four letter words and even when we do we mean it less then the others…we plant it on shirts and trees but in the end..in the end it is the only liberation from anything …the love we have in our hearts and the love we are willing to share with the world…that is the only commodity that matters and if you happen to have food and a roof and a friend or two you have enough…but
I live in Miami and I ran from it-this city- as soon as I understood the rest of the world had a slower kinder map to joy- to love…or so I felt -thought …I want to have a theater and create for no reason..no award ..no money..just laughter and smiles and then I turned into a worker a gainer a person who felt the need to fit in and through that fitting I contorted and through that I learned to be flexible and on the other side…where I sit now…I am not the person I wish I was…I am myself and in that I am all that I could ever be….I am not perfect or beautiful or honest to any large measure but loving…I practice that loving often…but for once a month…I love less that week…those days I bleed and perhaps channel and hear the pull of the causes of the desires of the journey..in that week…when my legs drip with red…I know life is not just life but we are qn earth we are one being being steered by its own energy content…being lifted of dropped from the orbit depending on the frequency we can emit..
and I know there is WORK to do..

I am here on my little keyboard tip tapping away…what can I tell you…that you are beautiful…that no one can nurture you more than you can nurture yourself..that your mother was just a teacher like any other…yes your first but a teacher just the same…and skills to love oneself were either taught or not…but the truth is..she was not a teacher but rather a remembering…she was reminding you what you already knew from the last trip you took on this earth…we all are love itself…being shown we are is the starting button…however..if you were not reminded or not reminded fully or reminded and stolen from when you were young …I have seen in my students that it is possible to remember yourself.. your true self…however you want to relate to her…if you are honest and kind enough….with others.with the world…not giving…not endlessly doing…but from the observer in you…if you are kind you can see something…out there that guides you home to your true self…all of you.
Love and nurturing is not the job of your mother or father…it is a duty they do their best at…but it is your entire purpose here on this earth to love your fullest self to find her.own her…cherish her with kisses and love her more than anyone could ever think to love her…
you will forget this again…as I have and then you will re-remember yourself…and fall deeper in LOVE with your own eyes and your own skin…don’t think a marketing sales person is your guide..don’t let the advertising world tell you what you want and need…don’t become the image that they need to sell the idea that sex is the only way to god…and love…stop buying the crap..
remember one thing…LOVE…it takes time and patience but once you find her…hold her softly and remind her daily she is welcome in your life..so often she is rejected and she herself needs softness.

If I could tell you all I learned in the 44 years I have lived it is that nothing ever ever maters then the desire to LOVE yourself and if you can muster…one or two others around you….you have the universe…
in the palm of your hand….tred lightly love gently and let go with grace…

My name is…
I am …
I wake up and think….
I walk through my home and hug and kiss and remember….
I am ….

A life….
Falling….from the flowers…
I am ..
My own two eyes….
that love hard
want much
desire…
care…
call…
calm
I am ….

And you are?