I went off coffee about two weeks ago while I was doing a three day detox on the Danette May diet. I went off and calmed down and when it was time to go back on…I thought…maybe just decaf…
So I have been on decaf these past few weeks and I have NOT fought with Steve. I have been very energized and have seemed to loose that tummy I was about to accept.
Coffee and Susie are not a great fit. From the position I am now, I can tell you I am even sweeter off cafine and people don’t drive me nuts and I am better at a slower reaction towards things and I can make better choices in how I want to handle my critics.
I am deliberate and free off of coffee and I like it.
I hope I remember I am a Decaf girl and remain that way for a while becasue I know in my heart that my heart is better for it.
Hello- My name is Susie K Taylor I am an Actor and I created and teach a class that uses acting techniques to heal emotional pains.
I was born and raised in Miami. My father practiced medicine and my mother is an artist. So- there you go.
A brief history of why I created this class SURF was that I was dealing with the death of my father and simultaneously trying to return to my acting career I had put on hold for almost a decade.
I was in therapy and I was renting a room at IRON FLOWER to try and remember myself and my acting chops through movement …get my emotional scales up to par and my body back in actor shape…
What I found was that through remembering my acting classes and combining movement techniques I studied…I created a way OUT…
I way out of the role of the grieving daughter.
This took time..I was teaching this since 2014 and I then began to perfect it at an acting school where I was a professor of movement..and now I have a class, a process and I guess a way of moving through this world that is working for me and others…
It is a movement class that teaches us all how to get out of character and approach the day, the story, the play, from a lesser charged point of view.
So how do we do that…
First we prepare our mind and our heart to accept a new conversation..another point of view…
Then we warm up our bodies with a sort of follow the leader based movement Vocabulary we learn ..and then we perform…
Now that we are opened and connected and also protected we sacrifice a story.
The student offers up a STORY with the full understanding that 1) it will be fully heard… 2) it will be fully believed 3) it will then be challeneged 4) it may turn out to not be true…anymore
The pain body can live in the present and that is a problem…If the pain is not happening right now…and we pretend and remind ourselves it is..then we are recreating that trauma over and over again and doubling down on it..
It can get very damaging…to the actor and to anyone around them
My belief is that we are NOT our stories and that we can learn to forgive them and move on..
The question is…then who are you?
I believe you are just lightness…at our core we are all creative beings and that we can emulate the happiness in our heart …if we are willing to see that and recieve that.
Most people- most people’s Ego’s don’t enjoy that because there isn’t anything to really HOLD onto…
Being Uncharged…which I work on every day….is the feeling that nothing – after you leave it- pulls on you too much…Good or bad..
When you are with that “ high charged real time situation” you navigate through it like an actor in a play and then when you leave …you walk out of the STORY…you are not threaded to it.
I have done this work with almost all my family members I have had CHARGES from..some I went to personally and some I did the work in the room and that was enough…I have even gone back to exes and asked them to forgive me…for holding them in the negative energy all these years because our thoughts are powerful and if you believe you can do anything then you have to also believe you can hurt people our thoughts.
Each of these releases…released me..From….My roles that I was playing…like pleaser, seducer, manipulator. and victim started to get softer and softer and my awareness of not HOLDING onto any new pain became very conscious..
Ok..
SO the performance aspect of my class has a four step process that can be repeated as many time as needed and can start from the beginning or the end..
SURF Story Understanding, Recasting. Flow
Actors are an important part of our society and when we are not healthy we can affect the society as a hole. Maybe that goes for all artist. Our power to communicate is our calling and if we are open and a viable to communicate and strengthen the pain body…well then that is what we will do to a society…create more pain
I challenger the artist of today to reimagine our world…another version than what is playing on the boob tube…a kinder version and PAINT and PLAY THAT…because everything else is just TRIGGERS and we need to as artist to end the STORY by not participating in it anymore..
WHen I lived in the City and I was working as a waitress, a cigar girl a trainer and an actress i auditioned for a pharma voice over. It was for obsessive compulsive disorder.
The video they showed us was a woman who was an indoor cyclist who was riding around in circles…I remember my line was….somethign like…
“Hello, my name is Sally…and I have obsessive compulsive disorder” then you woudl see this woman going round and round on this course….I can’t remember what happened…if I got paid or not but I got the gig…we recorded it…they made the commercial and then I was told the client felt the whole thing was too humorous…
Anyway…I went yesterday into a sound recording studio and began to build up my reel for voice over. I am good at this and it is very fun and I have been meaning to do this for two decades…boy what having kid and raising a fmaily and being married and being kind can cost you…HA
I am happy to inform those that are still in it that all the muscles strength you build from these parts of your life will indeed strengthen your ability to pursue your purpose when you get there…to because of the things that happened but just the strength and dexterity you created from dealing with them…becasue that is the biggest skill set…HOW YOU DEAL
Mia wrote me a letter and I wanted to share it…I had asked her to …well asked all the people I loved to write a monologue about me for a play I was doing and she was the first to write back and the only one to write back without reminding…Mia is my freind…someone I woudl have never met in normal circumstances…but still…a person I respect – this is what she wrote…sort of a love letter from my point of view…
The 1st day I met you I wasnt sure what to think or how I felt, not just because I was fresh out of the hospital doped up on prescription pain killers but because you’re quirky and eccentric, full of energy. I for sure can say I’ve never met anyone like you before and anyone else that came close I tried to stay far away from because that kind of energy usually overwhelms and irritates me. Oddly you were different and instead of feeling overwhelmed or irritated I appreciated it. All that energy you have uplifted me in one of the worst times in my life.
You are an amazing person, you have to be special to get me to view and see something different as stubborn as I am. We both obviously come from two very different places in life and you showed me that the same thing I feared about you, I was wrongly doing myself but I’m glad we both gave each other a chance. Never once did I feel like you were judging me or bringing me even more down by feeling sorry for me. And I learned that even women that are educated, brought up in a great family, and environment can be humble and amazing not the stereotypical American Jewish Princess I thought you were going to be lol. You’re a strong tough woman and have so much courage and I thank you for coming to one of the roughest cities in Miami to listen to my bullshit while I’m rubbing medication on freshly stapled wounds and not freaking out or letting that scare you away from keeping in contact with me. I also thank you for not letting my criminal background stop you from trusting me I know your husband was probably advising you
Against letting someone like me into your home LOL.
THis woman mother lover is something of a force and if her opportunities were better or rather she could kill her demons she’s run this world…and all of us in it…sending her love and light and power that she already has in the tips of her fingers.
We here at Susie land have several version of ourselves. Pershaps it is due to the fact that I know myselves -I hear my selves- and I recognize when I am being a certain version of myself when I am not my True-Self.
I believe this version in particular.
But the The judgy version ( let’s call her JV) that thinks things I am embarrassed to share is the most dangerous and the most soft spoken. Not that she isn’t constantly speaking- she is but in whispers…she works better hidden in the corners…BUT
My when my TrueSue can HEAR JV and call he out..JV dies a little she is absorbed a little bit by TRUESUE and JV is left…a little …less mean, less limiting, less critical and that
Time is folding in on us. I am meeting up with my younger self and we are totally in love with each other. Steve is passing people from his past and there is not a thread holding him. He is lighter and I am lighter and the concept of flying doesn’t feel so foreign.
Being married and being a wife and a mother and dealing with family members on all sides is a decade journey in negotiations— if they happen to be involved in your life. The cold distant type may seem like a problem but imagine the warm engaging type…those actually need your attention and your self awareness and in the end your love to the utmost.
Steve and I both have families that engage…desire…want and yearn to be involved…this is like a 40 person play that has to be wrangled…and for years I have attempted it but this year…
I fired myself. I am devoting myself to my work and focusing on my nuclear family and not feeling in any way beholden to the rest of them. I gave almost 20 years of my best and I still couldn’t play the role well so I’ll bid goodbye and stick to what I play best. I play ACTOR best…the girl that has the job that can’t make it RoLE…the one that is too busy to entertain any bizarre concept of not being good enough in my Brian becasue —-I don’t have time for that.
I am not nor never will be the ideal family member in a CUBAN family. I am not – even after all these years- good at the way they maneuver..each other…
Funny how cultures have this lineage of understanding that you will never know unless you are born into it…it is threaded into their DNA and you can’t change DNA.
I love them…with all my heart but looking back this constant need to please has broken me at my knees and I have let myself and my craft down.
There comes a time when you realize that if not now…if not fully now…for the love and joy of it…then when…
And Since i have no issues and no pretense to the type of acting I do other than ( for now) I have no desire to be an angry B*tch..but other than that…i am open to being here as an actor doing the work that I believe actors can and should be doing..Helping people communicate their truth…whatever that is.
Steve and I had out first date infont of the Cleavelander. I believe my sister was working there and I remember walking Steve over to her..I think he was wearing a red top and shorts and the top was tucked…My sisters face was priceless….”He’s taller than me!” She said as she waited on the tables extending down the sidewalk.
I went to the beach with Steve ( what would end up being one of three dates I would have that day- two with soon to be Doctors and then this guy) and I was wearing a turquoise bikini and I was fit and he was Anamored of my stomach and that was what I had…a great ass and nice abs and we stayed there talking about god and Jesus and this man was so OFF and I disagreed with everything about it but I loved it too. He was kind of sexy in a dorky way and sweet in a real way and smart in a faithful way and most importantly…he believed in something and THAT is the sexiest thing ever…even if I didn’tagree with him-
So as he sat across from me today talking – or as he woke me up with a kiss this morning and I grabbed him with delight…I have to say that the boy on the beach is peaking his head up…up from all this work of trying to grow up and that boy..that faithfilled kind boy is blossoming in my line of sight into this Alpha being that is loving and kind and protective and warm and AWAKE…
I adore what is becoming of Steve and what I am becoming in his company.
Ever since I was in high school I was drawn to South Beach. My best freinds and I woudl even risk detention and more by forging doctor notes to get us excused from skipping a few periods of class. Reason being we had wanted to see if we could get from our school to the beach on a Bus. I have no idea how we managed it becasue I am a Jewish girl from Miami and a BUS was not my mode but on we went and over th bridge we went and giggling we went till our feet hit the sand. In jeans we’d drop back and let the sun ignite our souls..buy bathing suits from the woman passing my and eventually bid adue and hop on the bus and head back to school just in time I suppose to grab the metro rail home.
SO before I could drive I was drawn there so it makes sense I would spend my days there now too. I hang out at SOHO house often and teach a class on WEst at Tropical Vinyasa and on Thursday the 18th of October I wil be speaking for the first time in public about my class for the Miami Beach Chamber of Commerse Health and Wellness committee. My FIrst Power Point presentation and I have testimonials and photos and videos as examples of the why and how. Four years of work to find the meaning of it all…FREEDOM….
I am honored to live this life….Becasue all day long
I am auditioning, getting cast in well paying gigs, part of a Shakespeare company that reads plays on scrolls, teaching my class, performing with a theater company in an interactive piece, shooting an indie shot film that is paid! and building a show for the Fringe and about to cut a voice over tape. I am a working actor. My acting is first and then my classes fit in between and in that I am just always saying yes please- more please…can a happy Actress exist? That was my question and the risk I was willing to take and the answer is … FOR SURE….BRING IT!
I just took my first yoga class. Well not technically but kind of…from a guy I met about fur years ago and just as it turns out..by happenstance.. I was at the Soho house and the locker room door was locked so I walked to the yoga room to perhaps sit and relax but I saw black flip flops at the entrance of the room with white designs on them…so I remembered there was a class…I walked back out and down the hall to the Rhythems of the mediation sound of piped in chimes and as my feet landed on the carpets…I thought about finishing my decaf coffee on the balcony of the gym but as I walked toward the gym the hotel clerk appeared with a key and opened the locker room as I passed it and opened the door. As I entered I looked to the right and saw the gentlemen I was sharing a staircase with earlier- H wa going…to YOGA I guess and so as I entered the locker room and my body led me to the locker I insticically changed into my yoga clothes and walked to the yoga studio. entered through the back entrance and was informed that this teacher that I have taken class with just a few weeks ago and who’s energy I enjoyed to the point of choosing that yoga space to teach my SURF CLASS at.
We teaches/leads a mycore class which is a self lead mediation with assistance. I have tried this other places before and injured my knee which I am still dealing with so I took it slow..he took it slow and in my back bend which he seemed unimpressed by he whispered…
IF YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU -YOU HAVE TO COME FOUR TIMES A WEEK.
I thought about it laughed and thanked the universe and images of him with Steve and I in Scotland started to dance in my mind…a woman and a husband wtth a yogi we travel with….WHY NOT…
We signed the papers and it is official…Edinbough 2019 is happening…thank you Tim for the nudge in that direction with pointing me towards Flea Bag.
What if you are just playing a character in a PLAY that ended YEARS AGo?
I have spent a ton of time exploring getting over loss and anger and found through my movement method that what is really going on for me is that I am holding what actors call SENSE MEMORIES and they are playing out in the present time. Memories of past events were on my front burner as though they happened yesterday.
The funny thing is that actors are trained to hold those memories and tap into them and in the end it can cause us a lot of emotional trauma…this not letting go…and then on top of that all the ROLES and their drama..it can get very confusing and I for one am not 100% sure the MIND knows we are joking…ya know…playing a role over and over again…and maybe the same can be for you…maybe you MIND thinks this is STILL happening …there is still DANGER…
As actors we are trained to hold onto feelings and experiences…WHAT IF.. some claim they don’t use their own life but I have found in my teaching that once you open up the valves of empathetic emotional connection you can’t fully control it…
All I can say is the more healed you are ..the less the pain of the characters or the pain of the situation you are in…STICK to you…Ruins your day…etc. he thinking we can one day draw from that memory…but here is what I learned. Pain happens daily. If you let go of past pain you will still feel pain but in a much lighter easier to let go way. BUT when you feel pain daily and that pain taps into your past pain then you are having what some people refer to as a trigger and with what is going on in this world today….I can honestly say the world thrives on triggers…not the world I like to be in but the consumer world…the entertainment world..they are banking on tapping into your sense memory and NOT resolving it but just tapping into it..like some people have done to our NATIONAL PAIN BODY..( both sides) WHY?
it causes us to act but in the end to what end…My process of letting go or getting out of character or just plane GETTING OVER it is to allow your body to do what it does best…HEAL…and guide you through movement to a story that is blissful and kind and loving because it is right there…you just may not see it because you can’t imagine who you would be if your story didn’t exist…I’ll tell you…You would be YOU..in your truest form and relaxed and light and flowing and when something amazing happened or painful happened you would respond…and know to forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness and choose to NOT rely of anger and Pain as motivation but perhaps..perhaps rely of something beyond that…something that once you build on it…offers you everything and that my dears is TRUST…TRUST yourself and trust others because in the end that is all we have…
as they say…we spin around on a moving planet…if that isn’t amazing….I don’t know what is.
I am bringing my work out to the community from the point of view of FLOW. We really need to learn to tap into our lightness and this SURF class I am teaching this MONTH will explore a version of you as LIGHT….we will work on resetting your Theta brain or your internal monologue by a magical mystical experience that is so simple it is silly…but it works…just like a vision board that is plugged into a 100000 volt watt…
BEWARE:
Your Ego does not want you to do this..it LOVES your stories and your pain and how you move..it keeps your EGO ALIVE…to let all that go is to become humble and it is an act I practice daily and it is TOUGH but it pays off…
I know this is long and most of you are not readying this but to the ones that are..I ask you…please Come play with me…my class is ALL movement based NO speaking and all HEALING…it is fun and kind and might just be that thing you need to get you PAST YOURSELF…oh and by the way..
none of your friends will tell you the truth…your frenemies might…I will but most won’t because they are who they are because you are who you are and if you change…well…they would have to do the same and most people don’t like to CHANGE….real CHANGE…takes a love of acts of humbleness and a bucket load of faith.
