Category: Kitchen

You can’t be a strategic Artist

Kitchen

You can’t be a strategic Artist

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Artist- are the most caring loving mother fuckers you will ever meet. If you work with a tit for tat with them you dilute what they can offer the universe. DON”T
If you give them limitations you will instantly kill their creative potential.
Yes they need limitations but they need to be able to create those for themselves. through trial and error.

I am learning that my next limitation is to remove myself from any type of of business conversation. I am not someone who can PLAY with anyone and in business that is important to be able to do..be nice-ish or manipulative-ish.
Now, I can manipulate the fuck out of people but I don’t…it is a form of rape from the artistic point of view…it ties you to a strategy…an expectation…an existing conversation….making someone give themselves to you by a power you have…to manipulate them….a creative power given to you by the GODS to communicate to heal not to be used on civilians to perpetuate pain!
.
Maybe I will live.a creative life alone…maybe I will be a solo performer and go to Edinburgh alone just me and my broom.
I speak for the universe and that is my collaborator…I am not interested in being used by anyone or using anyone…I am not interested in teaching…being in anyone’s work.but my own..I am dying…eventually… and I am going to act ACT that way…As if… this is IS…because it is…all the waiting is FOR fuck all…for nothing…I am going to do a Kickstarter to build up my work and ask people to help me fund the show and The Creative Shelter…. I play with SLAYERS only….because they are the only ones that can be around me…without dying…
Note to universe:Build be a play ground with a bunch of Artistic Mother Fuckers.

Kitchen

Mental Illness and other ramblings…

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Do not get me started. I am just now seeing that someone on this blog posted I might have it…HA…most people have it…if we are honest..we all have some bit of .anxiety and stress and all the issues we are all dealing with… build up mental health issues…even being on your device…too long…we all got issues..

Funny how when you put yourself out there what you get back…what you recieve and in that recieving… what strikes you down and what strikes a chord.
The chord is that in today’s day and age …accusing someone of a Mental Illness is an insult…like a cut down…when in reality it is the countries largest issue…look at our president…and what I mean is look what this entire country as a whole decided to elect. Regardless of who you voted for…somewhere on some level we allowed this to become a possibility…perhaps by watching his show or just talking about how silly he is we gave him our country and if that doesn’t tell you that we are a SICK country at the moment then I don’t know what does.
I have no cure but I have an understanding that I am not more healed than you and you are no more sick then me and we are no more enlightened than what we read and watch and say…
I ramble in these posts…because my mind allows me to flow…..I write as I think and I don’t mind if you get it or not..that is not the point – the point is that I dared to say SOMETHING and if we all start to speak the anger will diminish and love will begin to pour out of us…or not…but it is a choice…dream on and allow yourself not to be perfect…I do ..often..

Kitchen

Goodbye….PLAY…

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A play has always been a sad goodbye…but last night for the first time I was more happy than sad. I knew what I needed to do to maintain this feeling of connection and I was in a place to do it. I was preaching empty words…I was truly acknowledging that the reason I feel disconnected from the actors community is that I left it…as soon as the play was over as though…if I am not in a play I shouldn’t need to be around actors that much but what I have learned is that
Miami has a beautiful theater community built by the schools that are here and the feeling is super kind and loving among the actors for the most part..
It is a comrodery that is you treat it with good will it gives back to you with a truest sense of belonging but I think I felt I was…not truly among them… faker..not talented enough not consistent enough and not participatory enough…but now I see I can be more of those and I am a value and I desire to be part of this Miami World.
I have tried but I think I found a sweet spot and the right angle…just be me and do something small and take along a few kind hearted lovers and see what happens…Getting mad because I didn’t get a grant or a part is so old susie…I can just keep moving forward and doing the work and take what I get when it comes and create when I feel inspired…

Last night an old actor walked into my room while I was doing my last piece and his face was sad…no idea why just sad and it affected my piece and it was fascinating because the type of theater I am doing is truly affected by the people in the room and it is not that we are building and presenting we are offering and collaborating…

Immersive theater is amazing

s

Kitchen

insults are funny

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From where I am now I am starting to find what people say about me- good or bad- very funny–funny like butterfly kisses….

Since I am not motivated by insults or compliments i.e. the PLEASER ROLE anymore…I can’t move based on OTHER people’s point of view.
This makes things VERY different….ALSO since money was never a factor I can’t be motivated by that either..
I am motivated by HEALING and that allows me to both be healed and to heal…it is the best currency thus far.But what exactly am I healing?
At the moment it is the soul…I am healing her….the rest of the externals have to wait again.

So what motivates me is to affect someones soul so that they can do the same to another and another…that is where I am at. the ripple affect…one to one…to a million

I hold no desire for a position or force but POWER in the sense of having the ability to shift a soul from anger to joy and lock them in that for a few moments…show them how to move from that…well then…YES..that is amazing

SO when Shark Tain aired again for the Millionth time and a few people posted pretty nasty things on one of my blog posts… I laughed…it made me laugh and yes I wanted to respond or even keep them up on the site but I can’t…there is already too much pain in the world and even though I wasn’t affected.. to allow it to seep OUT into the energy is also not good. SO I erased them ( I played them in that delete) and thought to myself…funny how they were on my blog …needing to be heard…having to tell me something…regardless….of good or bad…being able to affect someone to the point of posting a comment…is something…now to have them take an action on their own life…and post a comment on their own situation… that is what I am doing here…. waxing about my life my process my desire NOT to hold anger or be mad– not to be aggressive in anyway…not to add to the pain in this world and yet still create change…and part of that is all about leveling up…above this kind of BLA BLA BLA and above products and above physical beings and just trust that a beautiful life yields a beautiful soul…and visa versa…
Trusting your kindness –you pace your pitter patter….It takes time and you need a partner that can keep you in line because it is a slippery slope..this world we are blessed with… keep your eyes clear, your heart warms and your words….keep then gentle and so you become gentle yourself. Oh…and yoga…gentle yoga….that helps form follow function.
s

Kitchen

Lovely how much diffence a year makes…

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Tomorrow I am going to a year check up with Dr. Rotemberg.

She is a spiritual woman and a wonderful plastic surgeon in MIami..
She is beautiful and kind and patient.with her patients..last year on December 14th ( oh it has been more than a year) I first removed my implants and then four months later did a lift and I am sooooooo thankful.

I love my boobs. They are small and perky and I feel whole again.

I had the implants for so long and I aligned them with so many things…my sexual power my body image so so ingrained this lie seeped and it took me a long time to decide how to remove them
And with which Dr… and what to do next…if you are going through this I feel your angst.

But if you had small breast to begin with I will say it was nice returning to my former self…

Most people want a fat transfer or implants again…from what I experienced talking to Doctors..going for just an explanation alone and waiting for lift is not that common but it was highly Recomended and I feel helpful in why they turned out as they did.
it was the best choice to me and I am so in love with my SELF- not becasue of how they look but becasue I have been able to re-introduce myself to my self again and She is lovely.

I am looking forward to seeing the Doctor again and thanking her for all her help.

S

Kitchen

Spent the day with my dearest darling Alison

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Alison if you never met her is adorable..she is the girl you play with on the playground becasue she will never push you or leave you behind ..she is Alison…we met in 7th grade in a youth group maybe or in school and we carpooled and became BEst freinds forever.
Alison is now a very very important doctor in BOCA…she is still my playmate but sh also is a hero…saving lives and making people feel comfortable about talking abut colonoscopies…
I mean real comfortable…like not at all shy about it…
How do I know this…does she have an online station or an instagram account where she promotes good rectal health?
No- I know she has made a change in the way people chat about their colons becasue I witnessed it…in a theater in Broward right before the curtain was about to rise…she created a stir…and as an actress I never had such fan fair in my life…and here she was a doctor…in a theater getting called at and people were climbing over the seats to just get close to her.
Lets begin with the fact that we are there to see Kinky Boots…we had seats in the 5th row center orchestra…as we entered the theater and began to walk to our seats…people began to yell…Dr. Schnieder…she was embarrassed right away..I woudl have stopped and demanded more it they were calling my name but she kept walking after saying a quick hello and once we got to our seats we figured it would be safe..we were very much incorrect…turns out we had to scootch past people who also happened to be patients of hers….patients who she stuck either her finger or something else intrusive up thier tooshys and they had no shame…they acted as through they were seeing a rock star…one woman even shouted back a few rows to another woman explaining…remember the IBS issue I had..t he Dr.I told you about…this is her…
Another pushed her daughter into our row and introduced Alison to her and then told her daughter to make sure to see her…in my imagination I hope…the ushers were tying to calm this IBS colon hyper active folks down so they can start to show but as great as the show was that night…I mostly remember my closest freind alison causing the audience to swoon bc she was able to stick something up thier toosh…and I guess…that’s a thing with them…but it is all Greek to me..
I love Alison becasue she is my freind she is who I called when I overdosed on Cannibus and she is who talked me down from the massive panic attack I was having…I love that she has created an amazing career that has helped so many people out -so many assholes out to be honest..but to me…she is just a sweet sexy lovely sweet angel of a freind…xo

Kitchen

Went to yoga class-taught the teacher

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I went to a yoga class and i was the only one..the instructor started chatting with me and soon enough we were on the same waves length and then she said she wanted to take my class and then i said sure and then I said why not now…?

So we set up her beutiful room that has flamingos on it and we did a private for her. We finished with her looking at her piece and seeing herself in the “performance” and realizing what was happening…

Being able to show her the video right away was huge. I haven’t one this much…if at all …i usually suspect they watch themselves at home…NEVER assume!
.. but her immediate ownership of it was huge..she was amazed at what she was doing and the contrast to what she thought she was doing…and allowing —perhaps for letting go…it was done heard and said.

I am in talks with a fellow actor who got stuck in character and I hope to do a session with him this week.

I haven’t really been able to work with a professional actor ( other than myself) stuck in character from a play …so. It will be great to do that.

Maybe my work is a non for profit?
I need a little space to hold the class.
I am going to look around my neighborhood.

Xo
Going to help my favorite neighbor move away..
Ugh
S

Kitchen

A clean and kind actor

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I am considering that the issues I have had in the work I have done is due to the lack of restrictions.
As an artist being able to explore every angle is important but being able to have a safe SPACE to do it in is equally important.
The lack of rules, authority, insurance, restrictions on substances can cause artist to spin out of control.
I am interested in creating a clean actor company that is run like a Conscience company where drugs and alcohol and Botox and other emotional dampeners but for persecuted are not part of this experiment.
I keep thinking maybe I am just interested in working with or starting with children as they tend not to use or have access to these items and are more connected to their higher selves.
It is hard for me to consider this but perhaps it is an angle i have to test and try.
I am going to talk to MTC and to Miami Light Project and maybe arts for learnings…about building from the ground up a group do loving warriors that keep themselves at a higher frequency-

I am scared to do this…to drop back down to children but I always take the long road…
Also I applied to teach my class in Edinburgh so if I build towards that with an instagram and social media account I think I can split the time up there between the class and the show and maybe the house will serve to hold the RETREAT on the second week up there?
An actors retreat with teachers-tech and video?
S

Kitchen

Hello…Children

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I am thinking that perhaps my desire to heal the lineage has to begin either with the top or the bottom of those available to me.

Meaning either the elderly or the younger ones.

I have been very resistant about this and yet every time i do my own cards from my own Godess deck it says to work with children.

It wasn’t till i spent this past week with my fmaily that the prayers began to fall and i see that my younger self is able to lead me
to speak to like minded youth.

I submitted my class to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I started to think about Lineage..about my own family…about pains that if not healed get transferred to the rest of us…

How do you heal a FAMILY.

I am gong to meet with Natasha and from there I can BUILD a clean group of teachers that do not use BLOCKERS to communitcate. Meaning no Botox, No Weed, no nicotine, no alcohol -for the month we are in this world…of trying to clear lineage..

I think if I can build my class…How to #recast your life and then align that with the book, work with my DR. On it and perhaps a few other people…and after the event see what being CLEAN allows people to FEEL and connect and be at peace.

#HTRYL #susiektaylor

Kitchen

Hello…2019

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Dear 2019…nice to meet you. I want to say that I was met you wish a bump of my head into the headboard, a kiss in the morning and a very real understanding that I am surly 45.

Taking away signs of age are an endless job…aligning with age and respecting my future self is at first humbling and yet kinder journey.

This winter break I said hello to 2019 with yoga and walks and lots of dancing in the rain nude and taking photos of the body that is as close to what the gods have given me as I can- with in my owning of mistakes.

I danced in the rain and I welcomed you here and I am taking a softer breath this morning…I am not trying to weight through it…but dance…dance through things and into things and out of things…

I am totally unaware fo what the future months hold nor do I really care…just that I will be in a play in the FRINGE festival and what and who I will be playing or saying is nothing of my concern.

I think that I am going to softly play my process and stay clean…

That OD on cannibus has cleared me of my delusions my near death in my mind was enough to explain that what lies beyond my own compreshenion is of no concern to me at this point…I am clear of that desire to escape.

Hello – 2019 I am SO happy to meet you with a smile a kiss a bump and a very real awareness of what part of the game I am at…too real….but as my body required me to pay heed I will accept my fate with an opened heart…fingers dancing to their next adventure…

Steve mentioned we will be traveling for MY work and he will join me….along the way….bc I will be a leader in my field…wanted by Miami folks and desired around the world and I am honored to be part of this dream sequence.

S