Author: Susie Taylor

Projects

make a wish and wait….a moment

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today I worked on a Home Depot Job as a SAG extra but I was booked from my head shot and it was a great gig/ half day great company. I think I even have a chance to get an upgrade if the editor likes me.
I went after to meet with J at his new space and then saw a few other LOVERS on the sidewalk..I was in a hat and glasses I sneaked by not wanting to engage…but then J said lets say and Hi and I realized as I walked back how I don’t fully know how to play well with everyone…we took a photo hugged and kisses and then I ate with J and T and talked about starting places with love and kindness.

I had asked my GOD whoever that is what path to take and then there is T on the path I am on and then at my table and so
I call G and she says bread crumbs and we will all meet tomorrow at the Dance film at the Perez..where I went years ago on a bike following a feeling and then seeing a painting on the wall that I drew… ICU.

The other night I had drinks with Na and B and A and another girl whose name I didn’t catch…U maybe and we spoke about the SAME things that we were on the same page and they have more structure than me but…all the same wave length…lovers and movers and huggers and tricksters.. I am sure
OH MY GOODNESS.

I was in such a mood from Monday day to Thursday Night and it was about feeling like change was happening and no ground falling……just plates slipping beneath my feet by it was growth…not change…growth…that was shifting the plates..and Steve force be out by walking on the beach and telling me I make promises to myself I don’t keep and sometimes that is the best thing that can happen….promised I wouldn’t act again and here I am…a lier.

Settle down dear….breath….dance and blade and feel the wind as you glide with your dog….your neighborhood is your release your letting go and in those trees..those blocks you become your younger self…your younger self did this on skates and you on blades and nothing but the skin has changed…the heart is the same just aware of how fragile it is looking for playmates..always looking for playmates….strong enough to catch you…

Kitchen

Susie k Taylor and co.

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Hello,
My name is Susie K Taylor and this is my company. We are a group of Actors from Miami and we/I are here to HEAL our beloved city and beyond.

I work with companies and individuals in the city through acting. I teach them how to recast themselves and how to change their story from the perspective of Theater.

I create spontaneous creations and I bring them out into the city through improvised movement and powerful creatives.

I am interested in working with powerful people who don’t want to be in pain. I am interested in transmuting energy and healing and owning who we are and pushing through BS to get to our higher more POWERFILLED place.

Please contact me if you are interested in WORKING with me. I will audition you through my process and you – if I feel it is a fit_ will work with

Susie K.Taylor and company– or just have a great day.

Kitchen

if I had a twin soul….she would be

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a twin soul can be your sister…as long as she is interested in the job…but usually they aren’t…mine wasn’t…she would rather rake her OWN leaves then jump in your pile…even if she does it alone…

If I had a twin flame she may be my yoga instructor who wonders why after a fulfilling day like today my shoulders a collapsing in all my downward dogs…

If I had twin flame is could have been my husband but he goes to sleep .early ..like at 9pm…..I suspect like most of us do and Aren’t twin flames forever on fire together?

I thought he was my twin flame but he is a mirror of my soul created through mimics to know me…and in that I fell and in that I saw that from the ground back up is the way to build a Soul that can throw her own flames..

And a twin Soul is a Soul that knows its younger self and recognizes her for all she has been through and hugs her close enough to conjoin with her..melt with her and become her but with respect and kindness and love..
my twin soul is my younger selves and I suspect my older selves and within their embrace I build my new future…my life as the ARTISTIC DIRECTOR OF THE CREATIVE SHELTER.

Kitchen

found a lil space

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several years ago I worked in a space that was in Wynwood. I did a performance there during Art Basel and it was amazing and immersive and beautiful but the people I worked with ran away and the theater I though I was building was a crumble and I too felt crumbled inside. I had again played my dream at their feet. Lesson learned

Today I felt the need to return to the new location of that space and found myself talking to an old boss that hired me for a gig that is still being used to help him sell LOTS and LOTS of art.

I told him what I do..why I do what I do and he seemed to get in…want it and was engaged and a little taken in by my strength…which I know I have now…no need to hold my dream… I go it.

Then the woman I was intending on meeting…being… came in with her eyes teary and we talked and she opened up to me and I held her and I helped her and when the fed ex guy asked her for directions I showed her how that is the character she is playing and even HE feels it…

She introduced me to more folks who I totally clicked with and who heard what I do and felt it was amazing…like constellations and intense…then she showed me a future project and we made plans to meet tomorrow night.

In one moment I said I wanted a space and in the very next I received it…the place was always there…it was me that ran away to redefine myself as a person who can run a theater without giving a shit and knowing my ability to heal is going to be projected through and injected into the community through my work.

all the way around again..

TO 2019 and beyond.

Kitchen

Done

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this year has been a lot of moments of DONE. I auditioned with an ex creative partner and walked away unscathed, I ran into an old friend who I broke up with, another creative I created with…and tonight I ran into an actor friend who I hadn’t seen or spoken to in several years…for reason.

With each one of them there was MASSIVE HUGE DRAMA in the past and yet…when I saw them recently…..there was none. a ghost of something but nothing really….

It is kinda sad to know a memory doesn’t have a Somatic expression in your body anymore. That you actually healed away the triggers. That the search through the Filofax brings up crickets…nada….a dud…is the sad part but the knowing..knowing how much you have forgiven yourself for and thrived from it..knowing that you attempting to be strategic or be tit for tat has led you to the worst experiences in your life- and learning how to slow down and monitor a bit is a kind less dramatic way to move- all be it a bit less thrilling -but still all the excitingness one needs for a beautiful life.

I know for myself why I don’t lie or trick and try to be strategic..and living an honest…authentilyc loud and real story is the only way I can be without destroying myself.

Waiting softly for someone to meet you.halfway..say to you..Hey Sooze..I think you would be a great leader…and it not scaring you too much…just a little..to consider living your dream’s DREAM.

And you saying you want a theater a something a place and knowing it is true..and it will happen and that 2019 is that year….

Running into a person who you tried to trick into being a benefactor and remembering after all of it that the desire for the benefactor..the reason why you tried to trick a trickster.. is still a desire…well…that is just amazing…ending the triangularization and owning a desire to want to be part of a theater company….is what has come to be…forget the failed “relationships” fuck those…just give yourself the theater…

Today I remembered that.And another actor I just worked with in my last play said- yeah…why not.and I thought…yeah…why not..

now to find a title space

S

You can’t be a strategic Artist

Kitchen

You can’t be a strategic Artist

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Artist- are the most caring loving mother fuckers you will ever meet. If you work with a tit for tat with them you dilute what they can offer the universe. DON”T
If you give them limitations you will instantly kill their creative potential.
Yes they need limitations but they need to be able to create those for themselves. through trial and error.

I am learning that my next limitation is to remove myself from any type of of business conversation. I am not someone who can PLAY with anyone and in business that is important to be able to do..be nice-ish or manipulative-ish.
Now, I can manipulate the fuck out of people but I don’t…it is a form of rape from the artistic point of view…it ties you to a strategy…an expectation…an existing conversation….making someone give themselves to you by a power you have…to manipulate them….a creative power given to you by the GODS to communicate to heal not to be used on civilians to perpetuate pain!
.
Maybe I will live.a creative life alone…maybe I will be a solo performer and go to Edinburgh alone just me and my broom.
I speak for the universe and that is my collaborator…I am not interested in being used by anyone or using anyone…I am not interested in teaching…being in anyone’s work.but my own..I am dying…eventually… and I am going to act ACT that way…As if… this is IS…because it is…all the waiting is FOR fuck all…for nothing…I am going to do a Kickstarter to build up my work and ask people to help me fund the show and The Creative Shelter…. I play with SLAYERS only….because they are the only ones that can be around me…without dying…
Note to universe:Build be a play ground with a bunch of Artistic Mother Fuckers.

Kitchen

Mental Illness and other ramblings…

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Do not get me started. I am just now seeing that someone on this blog posted I might have it…HA…most people have it…if we are honest..we all have some bit of .anxiety and stress and all the issues we are all dealing with… build up mental health issues…even being on your device…too long…we all got issues..

Funny how when you put yourself out there what you get back…what you recieve and in that recieving… what strikes you down and what strikes a chord.
The chord is that in today’s day and age …accusing someone of a Mental Illness is an insult…like a cut down…when in reality it is the countries largest issue…look at our president…and what I mean is look what this entire country as a whole decided to elect. Regardless of who you voted for…somewhere on some level we allowed this to become a possibility…perhaps by watching his show or just talking about how silly he is we gave him our country and if that doesn’t tell you that we are a SICK country at the moment then I don’t know what does.
I have no cure but I have an understanding that I am not more healed than you and you are no more sick then me and we are no more enlightened than what we read and watch and say…
I ramble in these posts…because my mind allows me to flow…..I write as I think and I don’t mind if you get it or not..that is not the point – the point is that I dared to say SOMETHING and if we all start to speak the anger will diminish and love will begin to pour out of us…or not…but it is a choice…dream on and allow yourself not to be perfect…I do ..often..

Kitchen

Goodbye….PLAY…

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A play has always been a sad goodbye…but last night for the first time I was more happy than sad. I knew what I needed to do to maintain this feeling of connection and I was in a place to do it. I was preaching empty words…I was truly acknowledging that the reason I feel disconnected from the actors community is that I left it…as soon as the play was over as though…if I am not in a play I shouldn’t need to be around actors that much but what I have learned is that
Miami has a beautiful theater community built by the schools that are here and the feeling is super kind and loving among the actors for the most part..
It is a comrodery that is you treat it with good will it gives back to you with a truest sense of belonging but I think I felt I was…not truly among them… faker..not talented enough not consistent enough and not participatory enough…but now I see I can be more of those and I am a value and I desire to be part of this Miami World.
I have tried but I think I found a sweet spot and the right angle…just be me and do something small and take along a few kind hearted lovers and see what happens…Getting mad because I didn’t get a grant or a part is so old susie…I can just keep moving forward and doing the work and take what I get when it comes and create when I feel inspired…

Last night an old actor walked into my room while I was doing my last piece and his face was sad…no idea why just sad and it affected my piece and it was fascinating because the type of theater I am doing is truly affected by the people in the room and it is not that we are building and presenting we are offering and collaborating…

Immersive theater is amazing

s

Kitchen

insults are funny

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From where I am now I am starting to find what people say about me- good or bad- very funny–funny like butterfly kisses….

Since I am not motivated by insults or compliments i.e. the PLEASER ROLE anymore…I can’t move based on OTHER people’s point of view.
This makes things VERY different….ALSO since money was never a factor I can’t be motivated by that either..
I am motivated by HEALING and that allows me to both be healed and to heal…it is the best currency thus far.But what exactly am I healing?
At the moment it is the soul…I am healing her….the rest of the externals have to wait again.

So what motivates me is to affect someones soul so that they can do the same to another and another…that is where I am at. the ripple affect…one to one…to a million

I hold no desire for a position or force but POWER in the sense of having the ability to shift a soul from anger to joy and lock them in that for a few moments…show them how to move from that…well then…YES..that is amazing

SO when Shark Tain aired again for the Millionth time and a few people posted pretty nasty things on one of my blog posts… I laughed…it made me laugh and yes I wanted to respond or even keep them up on the site but I can’t…there is already too much pain in the world and even though I wasn’t affected.. to allow it to seep OUT into the energy is also not good. SO I erased them ( I played them in that delete) and thought to myself…funny how they were on my blog …needing to be heard…having to tell me something…regardless….of good or bad…being able to affect someone to the point of posting a comment…is something…now to have them take an action on their own life…and post a comment on their own situation… that is what I am doing here…. waxing about my life my process my desire NOT to hold anger or be mad– not to be aggressive in anyway…not to add to the pain in this world and yet still create change…and part of that is all about leveling up…above this kind of BLA BLA BLA and above products and above physical beings and just trust that a beautiful life yields a beautiful soul…and visa versa…
Trusting your kindness –you pace your pitter patter….It takes time and you need a partner that can keep you in line because it is a slippery slope..this world we are blessed with… keep your eyes clear, your heart warms and your words….keep then gentle and so you become gentle yourself. Oh…and yoga…gentle yoga….that helps form follow function.
s

Kitchen

Lovely how much diffence a year makes…

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Tomorrow I am going to a year check up with Dr. Rotemberg.

She is a spiritual woman and a wonderful plastic surgeon in MIami..
She is beautiful and kind and patient.with her patients..last year on December 14th ( oh it has been more than a year) I first removed my implants and then four months later did a lift and I am sooooooo thankful.

I love my boobs. They are small and perky and I feel whole again.

I had the implants for so long and I aligned them with so many things…my sexual power my body image so so ingrained this lie seeped and it took me a long time to decide how to remove them
And with which Dr… and what to do next…if you are going through this I feel your angst.

But if you had small breast to begin with I will say it was nice returning to my former self…

Most people want a fat transfer or implants again…from what I experienced talking to Doctors..going for just an explanation alone and waiting for lift is not that common but it was highly Recomended and I feel helpful in why they turned out as they did.
it was the best choice to me and I am so in love with my SELF- not becasue of how they look but becasue I have been able to re-introduce myself to my self again and She is lovely.

I am looking forward to seeing the Doctor again and thanking her for all her help.

S