Author: Susie Taylor

a twin soul can be your sister…as long as she is interested in the job…but usually they aren’t…mine wasn’t…she would rather rake her OWN leaves then jump in your pile…even if she does it alone…

If I had a twin flame she may be my yoga instructor who wonders why after a fulfilling day like today my shoulders a collapsing in all my downward dogs…

If I had twin flame is could have been my husband but he goes to sleep .early ..like at 9pm…..I suspect like most of us do and Aren’t twin flames forever on fire together?

I thought he was my twin flame but he is a mirror of my soul created through mimics to know me…and in that I fell and in that I saw that from the ground back up is the way to build a Soul that can throw her own flames..

And a twin Soul is a Soul that knows its younger self and recognizes her for all she has been through and hugs her close enough to conjoin with her..melt with her and become her but with respect and kindness and love..
my twin soul is my younger selves and I suspect my older selves and within their embrace I build my new future…my life as the ARTISTIC DIRECTOR OF THE CREATIVE SHELTER.

several years ago I worked in a space that was in Wynwood. I did a performance there during Art Basel and it was amazing and immersive and beautiful but the people I worked with ran away and the theater I though I was building was a crumble and I too felt crumbled inside. I had again played my dream at their feet. Lesson learned

Today I felt the need to return to the new location of that space and found myself talking to an old boss that hired me for a gig that is still being used to help him sell LOTS and LOTS of art.

I told him what I do..why I do what I do and he seemed to get in…want it and was engaged and a little taken in by my strength…which I know I have now…no need to hold my dream… I go it.

Then the woman I was intending on meeting…being… came in with her eyes teary and we talked and she opened up to me and I held her and I helped her and when the fed ex guy asked her for directions I showed her how that is the character she is playing and even HE feels it…

She introduced me to more folks who I totally clicked with and who heard what I do and felt it was amazing…like constellations and intense…then she showed me a future project and we made plans to meet tomorrow night.

In one moment I said I wanted a space and in the very next I received it…the place was always there…it was me that ran away to redefine myself as a person who can run a theater without giving a shit and knowing my ability to heal is going to be projected through and injected into the community through my work.

all the way around again..

TO 2019 and beyond.

this year has been a lot of moments of DONE. I auditioned with an ex creative partner and walked away unscathed, I ran into an old friend who I broke up with, another creative I created with…and tonight I ran into an actor friend who I hadn’t seen or spoken to in several years…for reason.

With each one of them there was MASSIVE HUGE DRAMA in the past and yet…when I saw them recently…..there was none. a ghost of something but nothing really….

It is kinda sad to know a memory doesn’t have a Somatic expression in your body anymore. That you actually healed away the triggers. That the search through the Filofax brings up crickets…nada….a dud…is the sad part but the knowing..knowing how much you have forgiven yourself for and thrived from it..knowing that you attempting to be strategic or be tit for tat has led you to the worst experiences in your life- and learning how to slow down and monitor a bit is a kind less dramatic way to move- all be it a bit less thrilling -but still all the excitingness one needs for a beautiful life.

I know for myself why I don’t lie or trick and try to be strategic..and living an honest…authentilyc loud and real story is the only way I can be without destroying myself.

Waiting softly for someone to meet you.halfway..say to you..Hey Sooze..I think you would be a great leader…and it not scaring you too much…just a little..to consider living your dream’s DREAM.

And you saying you want a theater a something a place and knowing it is true..and it will happen and that 2019 is that year….

Running into a person who you tried to trick into being a benefactor and remembering after all of it that the desire for the benefactor..the reason why you tried to trick a trickster.. is still a desire…well…that is just amazing…ending the triangularization and owning a desire to want to be part of a theater company….is what has come to be…forget the failed “relationships” fuck those…just give yourself the theater…

Today I remembered that.And another actor I just worked with in my last play said- yeah…why not.and I thought…yeah…why not..

now to find a title space

S

Tomorrow I am going to a year check up with Dr. Rotemberg.

She is a spiritual woman and a wonderful plastic surgeon in MIami..
She is beautiful and kind and patient.with her patients..last year on December 14th ( oh it has been more than a year) I first removed my implants and then four months later did a lift and I am sooooooo thankful.

I love my boobs. They are small and perky and I feel whole again.

I had the implants for so long and I aligned them with so many things…my sexual power my body image so so ingrained this lie seeped and it took me a long time to decide how to remove them
And with which Dr… and what to do next…if you are going through this I feel your angst.

But if you had small breast to begin with I will say it was nice returning to my former self…

Most people want a fat transfer or implants again…from what I experienced talking to Doctors..going for just an explanation alone and waiting for lift is not that common but it was highly Recomended and I feel helpful in why they turned out as they did.
it was the best choice to me and I am so in love with my SELF- not becasue of how they look but becasue I have been able to re-introduce myself to my self again and She is lovely.

I am looking forward to seeing the Doctor again and thanking her for all her help.

S

Alison if you never met her is adorable..she is the girl you play with on the playground becasue she will never push you or leave you behind ..she is Alison…we met in 7th grade in a youth group maybe or in school and we carpooled and became BEst freinds forever.
Alison is now a very very important doctor in BOCA…she is still my playmate but sh also is a hero…saving lives and making people feel comfortable about talking abut colonoscopies…
I mean real comfortable…like not at all shy about it…
How do I know this…does she have an online station or an instagram account where she promotes good rectal health?
No- I know she has made a change in the way people chat about their colons becasue I witnessed it…in a theater in Broward right before the curtain was about to rise…she created a stir…and as an actress I never had such fan fair in my life…and here she was a doctor…in a theater getting called at and people were climbing over the seats to just get close to her.
Lets begin with the fact that we are there to see Kinky Boots…we had seats in the 5th row center orchestra…as we entered the theater and began to walk to our seats…people began to yell…Dr. Schnieder…she was embarrassed right away..I woudl have stopped and demanded more it they were calling my name but she kept walking after saying a quick hello and once we got to our seats we figured it would be safe..we were very much incorrect…turns out we had to scootch past people who also happened to be patients of hers….patients who she stuck either her finger or something else intrusive up thier tooshys and they had no shame…they acted as through they were seeing a rock star…one woman even shouted back a few rows to another woman explaining…remember the IBS issue I had..t he Dr.I told you about…this is her…
Another pushed her daughter into our row and introduced Alison to her and then told her daughter to make sure to see her…in my imagination I hope…the ushers were tying to calm this IBS colon hyper active folks down so they can start to show but as great as the show was that night…I mostly remember my closest freind alison causing the audience to swoon bc she was able to stick something up thier toosh…and I guess…that’s a thing with them…but it is all Greek to me..
I love Alison becasue she is my freind she is who I called when I overdosed on Cannibus and she is who talked me down from the massive panic attack I was having…I love that she has created an amazing career that has helped so many people out -so many assholes out to be honest..but to me…she is just a sweet sexy lovely sweet angel of a freind…xo

I went to a yoga class and i was the only one..the instructor started chatting with me and soon enough we were on the same waves length and then she said she wanted to take my class and then i said sure and then I said why not now…?

So we set up her beutiful room that has flamingos on it and we did a private for her. We finished with her looking at her piece and seeing herself in the “performance” and realizing what was happening…

Being able to show her the video right away was huge. I haven’t one this much…if at all …i usually suspect they watch themselves at home…NEVER assume!
.. but her immediate ownership of it was huge..she was amazed at what she was doing and the contrast to what she thought she was doing…and allowing —perhaps for letting go…it was done heard and said.

I am in talks with a fellow actor who got stuck in character and I hope to do a session with him this week.

I haven’t really been able to work with a professional actor ( other than myself) stuck in character from a play …so. It will be great to do that.

Maybe my work is a non for profit?
I need a little space to hold the class.
I am going to look around my neighborhood.

Xo
Going to help my favorite neighbor move away..
Ugh
S