Author: Susie Taylor

Kitchen

A clean and kind actor

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I am considering that the issues I have had in the work I have done is due to the lack of restrictions.
As an artist being able to explore every angle is important but being able to have a safe SPACE to do it in is equally important.
The lack of rules, authority, insurance, restrictions on substances can cause artist to spin out of control.
I am interested in creating a clean actor company that is run like a Conscience company where drugs and alcohol and Botox and other emotional dampeners but for persecuted are not part of this experiment.
I keep thinking maybe I am just interested in working with or starting with children as they tend not to use or have access to these items and are more connected to their higher selves.
It is hard for me to consider this but perhaps it is an angle i have to test and try.
I am going to talk to MTC and to Miami Light Project and maybe arts for learnings…about building from the ground up a group do loving warriors that keep themselves at a higher frequency-

I am scared to do this…to drop back down to children but I always take the long road…
Also I applied to teach my class in Edinburgh so if I build towards that with an instagram and social media account I think I can split the time up there between the class and the show and maybe the house will serve to hold the RETREAT on the second week up there?
An actors retreat with teachers-tech and video?
S

Kitchen

Hello…Children

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I am thinking that perhaps my desire to heal the lineage has to begin either with the top or the bottom of those available to me.

Meaning either the elderly or the younger ones.

I have been very resistant about this and yet every time i do my own cards from my own Godess deck it says to work with children.

It wasn’t till i spent this past week with my fmaily that the prayers began to fall and i see that my younger self is able to lead me
to speak to like minded youth.

I submitted my class to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and I started to think about Lineage..about my own family…about pains that if not healed get transferred to the rest of us…

How do you heal a FAMILY.

I am gong to meet with Natasha and from there I can BUILD a clean group of teachers that do not use BLOCKERS to communitcate. Meaning no Botox, No Weed, no nicotine, no alcohol -for the month we are in this world…of trying to clear lineage..

I think if I can build my class…How to #recast your life and then align that with the book, work with my DR. On it and perhaps a few other people…and after the event see what being CLEAN allows people to FEEL and connect and be at peace.

#HTRYL #susiektaylor

Kitchen

Hello…2019

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Dear 2019…nice to meet you. I want to say that I was met you wish a bump of my head into the headboard, a kiss in the morning and a very real understanding that I am surly 45.

Taking away signs of age are an endless job…aligning with age and respecting my future self is at first humbling and yet kinder journey.

This winter break I said hello to 2019 with yoga and walks and lots of dancing in the rain nude and taking photos of the body that is as close to what the gods have given me as I can- with in my owning of mistakes.

I danced in the rain and I welcomed you here and I am taking a softer breath this morning…I am not trying to weight through it…but dance…dance through things and into things and out of things…

I am totally unaware fo what the future months hold nor do I really care…just that I will be in a play in the FRINGE festival and what and who I will be playing or saying is nothing of my concern.

I think that I am going to softly play my process and stay clean…

That OD on cannibus has cleared me of my delusions my near death in my mind was enough to explain that what lies beyond my own compreshenion is of no concern to me at this point…I am clear of that desire to escape.

Hello – 2019 I am SO happy to meet you with a smile a kiss a bump and a very real awareness of what part of the game I am at…too real….but as my body required me to pay heed I will accept my fate with an opened heart…fingers dancing to their next adventure…

Steve mentioned we will be traveling for MY work and he will join me….along the way….bc I will be a leader in my field…wanted by Miami folks and desired around the world and I am honored to be part of this dream sequence.

S

Acting Projects SURFing Process

Goodbye….2018

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Last year…love saying that…funny how time allows for distance and yet time is a perception we believe in. Time is nothing…but if enough people agree it links one days and nights on a string…

2018- Thank you… thank you for giving me the strength to remove my fake breast and attempt to live a life that is not based on my false angst sexual energy in a city that values such things.
Thank you for letting me find my truer self beneath them and for giving me a class of loving students that surrounded me with unconditional love throughout the transition. Knowingly or not.

Forgive me for walking away from people and places I couln’t manage anymore…and forgive me for trying to mange anyone. Thinking t was all on me.

I love you for all you have allowed me to learn in my true self…to find a way to create my art through love and kindness…

I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you and those close to me…for my missteps and my residue of anger..for my DEVON who rises within me when I am too tired..I am sorry for not forgiving…for wanting control over my own kids for trying to think i still have that or ever had that.

Thank you for letting me feel what SPACE feels like ..what living without angst feels like…what moving from flow and lightness is like and that is is possible..

Thank you for teaching me what NICE and LIGHT feels like…within me and within others..

Thank you allowing me to battle the BOTOX pull..to love it and leave it and to then be given a role that crushed any idea of what beauty is for me.

Thank you for getting me back to London to forgive my younger self so I can remeet her.

Thank you for inspiring me to FINALLY do my one woman show for finding a theater in Edinburgh for finding a house…there ..for the gift of my family coming with me in AUGUST to be part of my art and for me thinking of that as a possible future..having BOTH worlds.

Thank you for getting that Basel cell out of my head …for opening up my minds eye and removing any limitiation…

Thank you for allowing me to find a loving world of creatives WoRKING in Miami…

Thank you for introducing me to a Writor that outlines a book that I may write after the play at the FRINGe.

Thank you for wanting to get a grant and perhaps for NOT getting it but for hearing my work written out in a way that is understandable to ME

Thank you for allowing me to find my lower tiny abs that were for sure cut and disconnected during the c section and for allowing me to lift my legs up straight into a head stand.

Thank you for giving me a soft relationship to MASON …that he speaks to me about his life and yet doesn’t demand I FIX it and yet I know nothing…

Thank you for giving Jaedon a great school he seems to enjoy and for classes that are challenging him and for allowing us to be CALM about things..he found an IT class that is enjoyable for him

Thank you for giving STEVE and I a connection in PEACE…in SLOW and STEADY and owning our TURTLE NESS…

Thank you for giving me the love of the cast and crew for the piece of Mrs. Wade…my entrance back into the theater and for the new agent I found and for the two films I booked myself on and for all that may come in my acting career.

Thank you for allowing me to be open to the idea that my work can be created FROM love not in search of it or the lack of it…that a role can be built on channeling and then removing any connections you have to that character and NOT relating to THEM in a personal way at all..by truly removing yourself….

Thank you for allowing me to play Mrs. Wade and test my process and have a connection with my community in a REAL way by being a Channel back into time…back into a universe.. a TIME that both does and deosn’t exist…

Thank you for giving me a yoga instructor I trust and is not too invasive…for sending me to movement to sorftness. And away from loud music and aggressive sounds…from lifting weight..with force…

Thank you for allowing me to trust FLOW in my world…for giving me the trust to allow Steve to handle emotional issues with our children…

Thank you for pulling me towards love…for magnetizing those on a frequency that elevate me..

Thank you for connecting me with GLoria at the Xmas eve party about a possible outlet for my class and ideas…

Even though I was hiding…I was repelling from it..thank you for allowing me to not RUN like I have and perhaps trust that this is something of interest to me and the universe

Thank you for allowing me to NOT have a charge on too many people….but to keep myself somewhat connected to my circle…of energy.

And thank you for allowing me to sit here and see my husband and my youngest go for a winter walk and…..talk about anger and pain and how to manage the fire within us..EMOTIONAL walk…

In the past I would push myself to the front line and take all the emotional responsibility and now I am able to allow other people to take the lead…and for me to sit quietly on the side line as I am not the core…but the air…not the force but the vessel…not the fire but the heat and in that I can seperate myself from any feeling of gratitude or entitlement…i am nothing….

Nothingness is a little scary for me..it is a feeling of falling thorugh the holes in the earth…through…the filters….the sifters…and what remains…in grains of sand….singular and similar but in no means connected.

Just unified in a journey of playing with the waves…..

Sand on the waves

Acting SURFing Process

Brrr….the chilling affect of letting go

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IT is about a week since we closed…7 days
I woke up early and engaged and totally aware of the version of SUSIE that i have developed a functional relationship to.

Mrs. Wade is gone…sweet, exhausted, hamstrung and closeted Mrs. Wade is released and all of SUSIS’S parts that aligned with her…residue of what SUSIE herself/ myself release- have left as well…I declare.

I learn from my characters what I want and don’t want in my next self and what I want is what Mrs. Wade alluded to…I want to become the person I was meant to be…but in truth…I already am…I have created a soft shell around an essence of LOVE and light and I have been able to protect HER every morn….in a slow ritual and awake kindly to another attempt to live truth seeking and kind…

THe one thing I am edging to is a PEACE in Scotland…a play I have anointed myself to that will be my focus…soft focus the next 8 months…. long term stuff.

My creativity is not an ever flowing stream and my TIME emotionally away from my kids has been helpful during this season as I am limited in my ability to deal with family. I don’t pull my husband or kids always from their family as their relationship is totally different then mine and to appoint my relationship as theirs is off.

My desire to be around loving kind beings is what works for me…having certain energy in my house is helpful…and allowing myself to seperate from others that KINK my flow is fine…as I in turn KINK theirs too.
Painful for both.

THis has brought me to a quiet place with my guide I speak with each morning…I don’t demand imspiration or creative highs…I simply dance softly with her and allow her to lead me…guide me…take me where she wants to and show me what I can experience.

Taking away the weight training from my workout has been huge for me…The agressivess that I fall back to in fear of dissolving is not helpful at this time..Yoga and fluid movement and dancing naked in the rain during the winter showers is the direction I am going…

I am not interested in EGO play and play towards a higher person which leads me to the understanding that I may not be a leader.in the way I KNOW it now…..a person others will follow ..or congregate towards but that will be determined this year..as I follow my essence….forward…I trust I will find my FAMILY.

Moving without EGO is gentle and kind and not ANGRY it is going to be a beautiful and slow and essentially boring year for DEVON but dearest Devon…I suspect you have found another HOST to attach yourself to becasue I my loving darling am not going to feed you what you need…

I am following shadows ….scents and whispers and those are my guides…

I am in RECASTING…I am in the place with no name or destiny….and from here is where I will tilt towards my future self…with kindness and forgiveness and understanding….trust that I can created without being in pain…that my own pain is not my creative channel but in fact a KINK in it. How interesting to realize your original inpistaion was bloackinng your entire being…

Where do you feel you are inspired from?
Could that be a KINK your Ego enjoys tightening?

S

Kitchen

ABUNDANCY……..through acting

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If my frequency is able to affect change then if I am performing and people are being affected I want to use that opportunity to creat a loving change with people.

Playing Mrs. Wade was exactly that. I played a lovely character that seemed to garner a great deal of love from those that met her. People mostly left my room adoring her and themselves and with smiles on their faces.

I enjoyed this role to the utmost…I missed her from Monday through Thursday afternoon and was happily surprised and delighted when she returned to me on Thursday night…as I played the music PERHAPS PERHAPS PERHAPS and did my hair and makeup.

From now on I want to create these characters…new and kind and loving work and that send messages of empathy and love out into the world and abundance…
I want Mrs. Wade and all those that love her to move forward in kindness and grace and fiercely create their future that is only able to be the only outcome in the block buster movie of all time….YOUR LIFE

HIGH FREQUENCY ACTING…not low frequency acting..

So seeing things as they are without attachment or angst…and being free from it all to become and fulfill my wildest dreams….that will catapult me to my future successful acting career that is sustainable and plentiful and kind and loving —-abundant….

Kitchen

2019 —–CLEAN and KIND

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last night I had what I can only describe as a near death experience…it was not intentional but it was also very much my fault…I take responsibly for it and in that I own it and don’t need to be punished.FREEDOM.

Last night a part of me died…DEVON…I believe…the punisher…the part of me that judges and scores and expects to be treated in the same way but after I came back to earth last night and realized that my two boys and my husband are everything to me and who I was most sad to leave when I thought I was dying but still honored to have shared this life with them…they were just happy I was ok…they NEVER punished me….even though it was a pretty silly thing to do.

I see that nothing NO THING matters to me more than love…true pure love and that is why DEVON is most likely truly gone…she hold on to the dark side and that…my loves is a place I have been long enough…we all have.

Last night I was saying goodbye to my husband and kids and it hurt but the truth was I believe that I was saying goodbye to my daughter role that was aligned to my father…that was punished and autrocized when I did something terrible..the marriage to Tim…holding a stolen n BOB’s Baracade LIGHT

When I told my mom today about last night she cried..she didn’t get mad or yell at me…and this was true for my husband and my children…I don’t have a punishing home anymore…I don’t want to be a punishing person…I am done…the opposite then is the APPRECIATOR….

I am going to simply appreciate people and life and gifts and opportunities for what they are and nothing more…

I auditioned for Venessa Garcia and Victoria Collido at the Miami Light Project and it was more of a meet and greet for me…of what I am and who I am about…and in that was it wasn’t even an audition..in-fact I am going to think of my next audition like that…as just a meeting.
Not other career makes you perform at the table …they get to know you. and the that is what I am great at…letting them get to know…me…and that is what I will lead with…

Kitchen

hello….kind person

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I have spent the last two days with very kind people…people I am honored to know and cherish because I believe I can finally understand what being sweet means…what is feels like to be around sweet people and be seen as sweetness.

If you are surrounded by people who are working on a different energy source or desire then you will always wonder why you aren’t heard or always mistreated..

Perhaps you need time to see yourself more clearly and then from there decide who it is you want to reflect back to you…because a clear reflection is a kind world and a beautiful and loving world..

Stay in that energy and plant your seeds water them and sing to them and see what grows…every garden will offer you something…be sure you have planted truly what you want and the you have taken the time to tend to it..

Harvesting you joys is where I am at…receiving all the work of resting my circle and being around a vibration I can receive and that I can be heard in …It is subtle and no one may even know all the adjusting I have done but to me I have
turned inside out and zippered myself in and examined my stitches and now I have unzipped and turned myself back out into the world with my holes fixed and my zipper working and my awareness of what I am and what I am not…at my core has allowed me to be kinder to myself and to others.

Know thyself…and love her regardless…..for she is all of you and you are beyond a miracle of joy and have the ability to tend to a soul at any moment if you like.

S

Kitchen

Actors choose your roles….kindly

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The roles you choose for the stage or for your life will become you. Choose kindly.

Just because you CAN play a role doesn’t mean you need to or have to or should.

Just because a story wants to be told doesn’t mean you need to be the one to tell it or that the story NEEDS to behold AGAIN and AGAIN.

Perpetuating pain..in your body in your life and in or society is our latest craze and you as an artist can choose another version another ending another resolution for your career and for your part in creating it or recreating it.

Kitchen

Devon….it is time to go.

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I get these moods. You can call them that…during my period and I am not of this world…I am foreign to myself and an unwelcome visitor to my family. I claim it is PMS that brings her but recently she arrives after that period and hangs out like a gate keeper…She is annoyed she is late and plots endlessly to insure we don’t soon forget her.

She’s been here becasue I haven’t been dancing with her of late…no studio to escape to…I fear..

Devon has very scrappy hair and runs around with long tie dyed draw string pants and usually no shirt…Devon is 8 – she has no boobies at all and no shoes and she caries two knives…

I think she arrived on my 5th Birthday when my sister told me I wasn’t allowed to play in my own game at my own party becasue I wanted to choose my water balloon toss partner – and I didn’t want my sister to choose for me.

She was in charge of the carnival games my family had put together- I guess or she acted like she was. And under the big tree out back while they were all playing catch…with the water balloons to an egg race with plastic spoons…something where a partner was needed…

She made me sit out of the game all together and in that moment DEVON was born..they say people get their split personalities from trauma…this wasn’t a trauma – this was a totally BS situation that I was forced to deal with bc my older sister said so…I remember..and so maybe Devon is really 5 for all time and she arrives NOT during my period but whenever I feel I am not getting my way. Whenever I am being bullied. When I am adjusting or accommodating and it is during my Period that I can’t control her..I can’t shut her up or console her and let her know it is all going to be OK.

Devon wants to be 5 years old forever…not sure why..she had no power then and she has no real power now but to drives me crazy and forces me to follow the truth.

Oh, there is is…Devon is my truth slayer…not too many people like Devon very much…thus me..but I suppose I’ll have to keep her…I was considering sending her off and making a ceremony of it…but…will that mean I am no longer truthful? I fear that may be true. But truth is dependent on the beholder.

Devon—she wants me to get Botox and look HER age but I am trying to explain that isn’t necessary to be HEARD. and she is challenging me but..I win out. The Older Devon. With her crazy hair pulled back and cream on her face to help with wrinkles says NO…not again…been there done that and that will be a lie for ME…this self…so we have to pass..we have to find another way to have great skin and not resort to Botox toxins…

Devon is pondering it…she is walking back and forth on the back yard with her pocket knifes on the ready and shaking her head …she is talking to herself too…to who is she talking to I wonder…To her older self I suppose…to me…

I’ll listen and let her speak her mind and then we will sit outside and check out the stars together and know we are sleeping under the same ones only a blink away.

Night Night Devon….

XO s